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デビッド・バーカーさんの本
『英語じょうずになる事典』(アルク)

『英語じょうずになる事典』
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『英語と仲直りできるドリル』(アルク)
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『あなたの英語★ビフォー⇒アフター』(アルク)
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『英語と仲直りできる本』(アルク)
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『もしも英語ができたなら…』(アルク)
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デビッド・バーカーの英語と仲直りブログ:スペースアルク
 

2007年1月23日

A happy marriage

Hi Everyone,

Sorry this is a bit late – another crazy day!
Thanks for all your advice to Kiko. I’m a bit worried that it might be difficult to remember all those phrases! My advice is to learn just one or two phrases and say them as you demonstrate using the chopsticks.

Hold it like this.
Look at my fingers.
Not like that, like this.
Put your finger / thumb here.
That’s it. Well done.
キコ、これくらい言えたらばっちりですよ!
ちなみに、キコのコメントは現在完了形を完璧に使っていました。素晴らしい!

前回のブログはVickのおかげで色々な面白い話題がでました。 私にとって特に面白かったのはwife, mother, husband, fatherの話でした。私は独身主義者だから、家族生活はとても想像できないものです。「独身主義者」の考え方については15年くらい前にシンガポールでAyakoに話した記憶がありますが、彼女は全然納得していなかった!今までもこのブログで何回かWhat is a good mother?についてお話をしたことがあるので、今回は「結婚」というものについて、皆さんの意見を聞きましょう。

I heard somewhere the other day that the divorce rate in America now is almost 50%.I think it is probably quite close to that in Britain now as well. In Japan, the divorce rate is lower, but I think that is because of cultural differences. For example, if a couple do not want to live together, they can live as 単身赴任(Is this kanji correct?)but stay married officially. I was also very surprised when I came to Japan to hear about couples who have separate bedrooms. I think if a couple was living like that in my country, they would get divorced.

Many people (especially my mother!) ask me, “Why don’t you want to get married?” But I can’t understand why people do want to get married when so many end up living unhappy lives. I think that getting married has plus points and minus points, but for me, the plus points are not very important, and the minus points are huge, so it does not seem like a very good idea. Anyway, for all you people who are married, I have some questions:

1. How many of you are really, really happy with the person you married?
2. How many of you would marry the same person if you could live your life again?
3. What is the secret of a happy marriage?
4. Do you think of your wife/husband as a lover, or as a family member? 
(この前イギリスの新聞に日本人の「セックレス生活」について書かれていました。日本人のサラリーマンにこの問題について記者が聞いたら、このように答えていた。
When you get married, your wife changes from being your lover to being a family member. It is strange to have sex with members of your own family!)

I hope this will be an interesting topic! Maybe if I hear that you are all happy, I will change my mind and decide to get married myself!

Anyway, look forward to hearing your stories. (今回は名前を書きたくないなら書かなくてもいい!)

Comments

Hi David,

This topic is quite difficult to answer. But OK, I'll answer your questions.

1. Yes, I'm really really happy with the person I married. Because I love him and he loves me very much and we have lovely children who give us the greatest happiness. That's why I am here. But I have to admit that it's not all the time. Sometimes, I feel unhappy when I feel that I'm not free.

2. I don't know... but if I could live my life again, I would not get married early on in my life. Hmm... I don't know. But I know that I can't live alone all my life. I want to love someone, the one.

3. Well.., count your blessings. Appreciating all the good things you have. Understanding and cooperation. A long time ago, my mother said to me, 「付き合っている時は両目を開いてしっかり相手を見なさい。でも結婚したら片目をつぶるのよ。」 I think this is one of good advice, as a good meaning, of course.

4. Sometimes my husband is a lover and other times he is a family member or a partner. So both. I think that's what it is a married couple and family.

The plus points are love, happiness of loving and being loved, comfort, peace, support, and that you can have your own children who give you the greatest happiness. The minus points are that you are not free all the time and have a big responsibility.

David, you are strong. I can't live alone all my life. Even if I have a lot of friends and a job that I really love. I want to share my life with someone, someone I really love.
I have a question for you. Have you ever loved someone really really deeply? Which makes you crazy, which makes you want to share your life and spend the rest of your life. I think that makes you want to get married. That's all. It's not that difficult, simple.

But on the other hand, I can understand you. I know some people who don't want to get married. Because they don't want to change their lives that they have now. But I know that they sometimes feel lonely and uneasy. I don't know which is better, free or peace.(自由と安らぎ)

See you soon.

Tomo

Hi, all.

The idea of hating to have sex with members of your own family is interesting! I have never heard of that!! Not being family after long marriage sounds sad, though.

Anyway, I can't answer those questions because I'm still single. Instead, I'm going to tell you about one of my co-workers. She sleeps in a bedroom separated from her hasband's. I think she sleeps with her hasband if he doesn't have a snoring problem and she doesn't have a full time job. Beside that, she has to get early to cook breakfast and lunch-boxes for her and her son, takes her son to junior high school and get home early to cook dinner. She's amazing! Sleeping separated doesn't mean they hate earch others. I think Japanese are good at getting used to problems whether it's good thing or not.

Tomo
You are really lucky!

See you.

Hi David,
Thank you for your advice to me. "Just one or two phrases"… It's good for me.
 がんばってこの説明を覚えてやってみようと意気込んだものの、やっぱりしどろもどろになるので、皆さんに教えていただいたサイトをプリントアウトして持って行きます。英文をそこに書いて、説明は見ながら言うことにして、あとは実演しながらlike thisで乗り切ろうかと思います。
 Alexのアドバイスを今日見つけました。ありがとう!
 Ayako,Lily,今日、主人と子供相手に練習して明日に備えます。英語を喋れないのは知っている上で頼まれたことなので、あまり気負わずに楽しんできますね。でも緊張する~。
 皆さん、本当にたくさんありがとうございました。

Good morning, all

It is a very difficult topic!!
1. Yes. I am happy these two years. I have been married him for more than ten years, and there was time I felt unhappy. But I am happy now.
2. I think I will. Because I haven’t met any others that I want to marry.
3. No deceiving! That the most important thing. In addition, respecting each other.
4. I think of my husband as a family member mostly. Because he earns our living, and I have to take care of him not to be sick. It is true that the way we look each other is changed after marriage. But that doesn’t mean we ceased to love each other. He loves me very much and, of course, I love him.

I have a friend, who is beautiful, attractive and very kind. She is single, and I asked her why she doesn’t marry someone. She said that she has not met the one that she loves enough to give all her life, enough to change her life for him. When I heard this, I thought the most important thing for someone to marry is to meet the one. (意味、通じましたか・・・結婚するには、その人に出会うことが大事なんだなあと、思ったのです)

See you soon.

Hi David,

I couldn't click the post button easily last night. でももうポストしてしまったから気が楽になりました。 でも独身主義を否定するわけではないです。 It is my own thought.
I said “I know some people who don't want to get married.” One of them is my oldest sister. She is 3 years older than you and still single. I'm not that romantic(maybe kind of), I know reality of married life. For example, my parents. They are not getting along very well since I was a junior high school student. They are living in separate houses after I graduated from high school. But stay married officially. My father wanted a divorce when he found someone special. He wanted to spend with her the rest of his life. But my mother refused it. A short time later, my father's lover died of disease. I can understand both of feelings. But it is very difficult and very complicated.
My father and my mother and my sister often visit my house to see me and my family. I think, maybe, they come to my house to warm up their hearts. They have their own pets. They love them very much. I think people need love and being loved. That makes them happy and strong.

まだまだ書きたいこともありますが、やらなきゃいけない事もあるので。。

See you later.

Tomo

Kikoさん

アメリカ生活で活躍できる辞書があります。辞書とCD付きのため、価格が高いのが難点です。

アメリカでもピクショナリという同じような辞書がありますが、残念ながら英語だけ(当然ですネ)書いてあります。これは日本語と英語で書かれており、どちらからでも単語が引けるので便利です。毎日の生活で役立つ辞書と思います。

宣伝するつもりはありませんので、下記のサイトを読まれ、納得されたら購入してください。
http://www.rakuten.co.jp/eigo/856300/

This topic is very interesting and difficult for married people. I read very carefully all comments of tomo, tea and panda.
Yeah, I heard from you about 独身主義 long time ago. Yes, I didn’t understand. Because I yearned for marriage very much at that time! Now you are still single, I understand that your philosophy was genuine article.
Marriage is a big theme for people. Probably, there are many people who are surprised at gap between ideal and reality of marriage. I’m also one of them.

1. Sometimes. Perhaps, when I was really really happy had been for several years from start of marriage life. Although I am not unhappy now, compared with my newly-married days, I feel my happy matter is changed.
2. I want to marry with men other than my husband. Or I want to choose the single life.
3. Trust each other.
4. Both. But sometimes …no no, mostly I feel he is a family member.

I think that Happy and Unhappy is exist in both, even if you choose marriage or single. I say just one thing, It is not so easy as we think that couple who are different background live together for the rest of their life. I also think that couples need some efforts to keep love longer, as tomo said before.

Tomo-thank you for your telling us about your parent’s story. It got me thinking a lot.

m.n.- I’m very glad for you to come back! I feel this blog become a good mood by your comment.

Mirelle- Hi nice to meet you! I wonder what your job is. (David said your job is quite an interesting.) If you would like, please tell us about it.

むらさき-結婚せずに子供だけ欲しい女性。I also very often hear about such a topic. The cause by husbandは手がかかる. It’s funny! and it’s true!? A husband has many problems rather than a child. A wife can educate a child, but cannot educate a husband….あ、またまたこれって悪妻!?

Hi Team,

Tomo, I was really, really surprised by your comment! Not so much by the content, but more by the level of English! As I was reading it, I thought it was one of the people who has lived abroad. I couldn't believe it when I saw your name at the bottom! It would be interesting to compare one of your early comments with your comments now. I think they would be very different!

Thank you everyone for your comments. I know this is a difficult topic for many people to discuss. Tomo asked me if I have ever felt like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone. The answer is 'yes' - and that is why I can never get married! I know that I have felt that someone was the 'right' person for me in the past but then over time, my feelings changed. It's quite easy to love someone, but I can't get married because I can't promise that my feelings will still be the same in five or ten years.
And I love romance! I love first dates, holding hands, wondering whether the other person likes you or not - all of that. I don't want to get married because I don't want to give up on romance. I think Tomo is very lucky to be so happy, but I don't think it would work for me.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing everyone else's comments.

Hi everyone,

I was impressed with Tomo's commnet. You are so sweet, Tomo! I can't answer David's questions, because I am single now. As I said "now", I used to be married. I divoced several years ago after my seven-year marrige life. I should have known the advice from Tomo's mother at that time! As Ayako said, there are both happy times and unhappy ones. Anyway, I think that most important things to countinue your marrige life is "love each other", of course, "trust each other" and "close your one eye"!! I am not younge any more, but I still want to meet my right person! これからずっと1人は淋しすぎる~!(切実な思い!笑)

I can understand that couples sleep separately if one of them snores or grinds his/her teeth heavily (by(?) my experience!). These days, it is sometimes disscussed "sexless couples", isn't it?! Do you know that the divoce rate in Hokkaido is higher than its average in Japan?!

Hi Kikko,

はじめまして! I'm Manki. You got a lot of adivices already, thus I will say, "Take it easy and enjoy it!"

Maki

Hi David,
I’d like to answer your questions, but it won’t help, as my case is rare.
1. I have been married for six years, and I’m still really really happy. I’ve never regretted my marriage.
2. Of course, I would marry my husband again. I can never think of getting married to another person. I can say the biggest luck of my life is to have met my husband.
3. I don’t know. But the reason why my marriage life has been going well is not because of me but because of him. He is a wonderful husband. He is very kind and thoughtful. He can do all of household chores even better than me.(料理は間違いなく私より上手!) He also likes looking after our child. He used to be willing to change her diapers with poop. Plus, he seems to be excellent as a worker, too. (I don’t know what he is like at work, but I’m satisfied with his income at least.) If I married another man, I would have troubles like other couples, as I’m a normal woman. My story is unusual because my husband is special.
4. I think of my husband as a family member. It isn’t strange to me because I had thought of him like a family member before we got married. Staying with him was so natural. On the other hand, when I had to stay at a hospital when I was expecting, I missed him so much that I cried all the time.(意外ですか?) He was still my lover after marriage whether or not I realized it.

I don’t recommend you(David) to marry someone. I’m sure you will be happier to stay single. Probably you have already known it, but most of women don’t want their husbands to have a dangerous (and expensive!) hobby. And, seeking romances is the last thing you can do when you are married. I can't imagine you giving up bikes!

I guess nobody can promise to love someone forever. Love isn't something you have, but something needs to be kept by two people, isn't it? You have to exert efforts to love your partner for a long time. Love will fall and break into pieces when you give up. ( Same as studying languages, interesting! ) Even if you and your partner are same for a long time, your situation(environment?) keeps changing so you have to fit it, have to be changed. You get married when you want to be with your partner whether efforts are hard. Maybe your partner isn't the one if you hesitate to exert an effort.
Am I dreaming?(^^;
(Does anyone know how to express "…じゃないかなぁ~"? )

Hi, Blue Dream
You are lucky one too!

Hi All
How are you? When I read this new entry, I thought I stopped writing a comment this time because I’m single. However, I decided to write what I think about a marriage now. Actually, I don’t know what a marriage life is. I used to want to get married as soon as possible until a half of years before(perhaps 1 year?). But I’m not sure whether I want to do it or not now. I don’t know why my feeling changed like this. It’s because I found a new job I’m interested in? Some of my friends have been married and lived very happily. I sometimes wanted to be like them. On the other hand, I often hear of negative thinking and living about marriages on media, people talking… There are lots of negative things about them around me(but, of course, positive ones, too). It’s like “I’m tired of caring of my husband”, “I hate him or her”, “I don’t want to go home”…
If I would get married, I want to make a warm family. I want to keep me kind to my husband all of my life. Is it just a stupid dream? I don’t think so. If I can’t do it, I don’t need to get married. In addition to do that, I’m a kind of selfish person. I can’t be patient for others, especially familiar people. I can’t follow the parents in law. I will lose temper soon when I meet something against my feeling. So it’s hard for what I am now to meet someone who we can love each other very deeply and live with happiness.
Marriages always are not all of our lives. They might give us happiness. It depends what we do for them. I understood David don’t want to get married, and also people who want to get married(because I used to do it and will want to do it again someday).
I suppose most of people want to live with funs. Some of them think they can get happiness in marriage lives. Others have already find something fun like David. He love bikes, job…this blog(I hope). I guess he has excellent talent to find something fun in his life. In my opinion, people should live what you hope. Others should not interfere others. Anyway, I hope to get married and have kids someday, not now.

Tomo, tell us the truth! You have stayed in foreign countries where people speak English, huh? Or now you stay in a foreign country? (This is a very 褒め言葉ですよ♪)
You are a very lucky person as tea says!!

Tea, Hi
How have you been? You are still busy, right? Take care of yourself!!

Kiko,
Hi, when is your interesting JOB?
もう、心配は解決していると思いますが、
箸を持ちながら、
「See…, See…」と手元を注目させてはどうでしょう?
むか~し、12歳のホストブラザーが、よくこう言いながら、テレビゲームのやり方を一生懸命教えようとしてくれました。私の英語力では理解できなかったけど・・・
My challenge is maybe too late. 今度何かある時のhelpにならないでしょうか?
Anyway, I hope you have fun!!!

Hi panda,
What you said to us got across to me! I think so, too.

Hi Ayako,
Thank you soooooo much for your surprising comment!! Your comment gave me shiny something! I imagine what marriage life is by you, tomo…all others comments.

Hi Maki,
Is the divorce race in Hokkaido is higher? I didn’t know that. People heart is getting freezing like outside??? You can find someone!!!

Hi, everyone:
I’ve never been married, so I can’t answer the questions. But I think tea has a good point.

One of the reasons for the high divorce rate in America, I think, is obsession with closeness of their relationship.
It looks like they are obsessed with the fixed idea (or cultural thing)that, for example, married couples must sleep in the same bed, have sex at least twice a week, go shopping together, travel together, etc. And when they can’t do that, they may think it’s the end.
But your relationship changes over time. So does your feelings.
On this point, the relationship of husband and wife seems to be less rigid in Japan.
Living happily ever after doesn’t necessarily mean sleeping in the same bed forever.

ayako, about education, you are absolutely right!

Blue Dream, いいな、いいな!! Lucky you!

Hi Blue dream,
ちょっと意外でした。Were you crying everday? But I'm longing to the marriage like yours if I get married.

Hi tea,
Love and learning Language are same things? You are interesting!

HI again,

やっぱりこのトピックは面白いね!Blue Dream - I think you are very lucky, but you probably shouldn't tell everyone about your husband. He sounds like such an unusual and fantastic guy, someone else might try to steal him!

It's true that most women don't want men with dangerous and expensive hobbies, but don't tell Tonari san. He wants to find a nice girl and get married, but he will never give up racing. I wonder what his future wife would think about him spending 8 weeks in hospital and then getting ready to race again in a couple of months!

It's funny - people often say that marriage is not easy; it has ups and downs, and you have to work hard to stay happy. But I think that is true about being single as well. It is great that so many of you seem to be happy, but I think too much pressure is put on people to get married and have children, even if that is not what they really want. Actually, many people in my country do not think marriage is very important any more. For example, my youngest brother lives with a woman, and they have a child together, but they are not married. That is not an unusual situation these days.

Look forward to hearing more comments from everyone - single, married, divorced, and re-married!

See you tomorrow.

Hi! everyone,
 はあ~、今、キンダーから帰ってきました~。お箸講習会?…何とか終りました。ホッとして放心状態です。でも楽しかったです。
 まず家の箸を何本か持って行って見せました。娘が持っているかわいい絵のついたものは子供たちが喜んでいました。箸箱もついでに持って行って見せたら、今度は先生たちが、そんなものがあるのかみたいに驚いていました。それから、持ち方を言って(紙を見ながら言いました。)後は先生たちが「こうよ、ああよ」と代弁してくださったので、私は、実際に子供たちを回って、直していきました。"look my finger""like this"がおおいに役立ちました。
 でも、持てても動かすのは難しいのですよね~。動かすと、とたんに持ち方がぐちゃぐちゃになります。ポップコーンを1番に箸でつまめた子は、もう得意顔でした。どうしてもつまめない子は、箸に手を添えて一緒に持ってあげました。最後は、持ち方はむちゃくちゃでもポップコーンをつまめて食べれればいいという感じになっていて、おもしろかったです。(でも、これでは教えた意味が無い?)
 むらさきが紹介してくれたサイトにWhen I open chopsticks,I use the middle finger. When I close it, I use the index finger.というのがあったので、それを言いました。middle finger up! index finger down!というのと、Move the upper chopstick only.というのが先生たちには、分かりやすかったみたいです。過去にも日本人の親に教えてもらったことが、何回かあるみたいですが、これを教えてくれたのは、kikoがはじめてだと言われました。そしてI learned a lot.と言ってもらえたので、良かったかなと思っています。
 あと、先生方は「箸はダイエットにいいわね!」と言っていましたよ。何故って?はやく食べれないし、箸を使うだけでエネルギーを消耗しそうだからだそうです!I had fun. Thank you. Good job,guys! Bye-bye.と言って帰りました。
 皆さんのお陰です。ありがとうございました!!

Hi, kiko!
Thank you for your comment! I can picture the enjoyable scene.
Did you have fun? I’m very happy to hear that. Then everyone must have had fun!

Good morning! David and Everyone,

David, thank you for your comment and answering my question. Your words about my English made me really happy because you are an English teacher and a native speaker. I will be happy for a while! Thank you for reading all of them.(ずっと読んでくれてありがとうございます。) ^^ It still takes me a lot of time to write in English, though.

Tea, you are right. David told us the saying the other day, "You can't stop the waves from coming, but you can learn to surf." I think that it is also true of married life. By the way, about your question, I guess that it is “I guess~”. (じゃないかな~笑)
David, "Me, neither." I can't promise that my feelings will still be the same in five or ten years, either. でもだからこそおもしろいのです。 同じでいる必要なんてないし、長い時間の中では色々変化するのが自然なのだと思います。 愛の形はひとつじゃなくて色々です。 激しい愛、奪う愛、与える愛、穏やかな愛、求める愛、求めない愛・・。でももちろん、結婚する時は「この気持ちは一生変わらない!」って思っていましたよ。 でも私の愛の形も変わりました。 昔はもっと激しい愛だった(笑)。 今はもっと穏やかで、心地よい愛です。 変わらないのは、そこに愛があるということです。 最近は結婚の形もいろいろですね。 籍は入れないとか、別居婚、週末婚。 慣れ合いたくない、保証はないほうがいい、いつまでも恋人同士でいたい、ドキドキしたい、ということですね。 でもそれもありだと思います。 幸せの形もひとつじゃないのだから。 

Ayako, Maki, thanks for your comment!
By the way, Ayako, 「15年くらい前にシンガポールでAyakoに話した」Ayakoは"ayako"?! You?!
And Maki, "close your one eye", it is good advice, isn't it?;-)

m.n, thanks for your nice words! But I had never left Japan. これはとっても嬉しいことですね。私のように海外に行ったことがなくても、ネイティヴの友達がいなくても、英会話スクールに行ったことがなくても、英語は上達できる、ということですよね。^^

Blue Dream, you are so sweet! Has your husband lived by himself?(だんなさんは1人暮らし経験者ですか?) If so, my husband, too. I think that men who have lived by themselves can be good husbands. Because they can understand how hard household work is and the wife has no day off and they will appreciate it and help the wife.
一人暮らし経験もなく、お料理上手で綺麗好きで、何でもやってくれるお母さんに育てられた、私のもう一人の姉のだんなさんは、やっぱり今でも大きな赤ちゃんです。 同じことを姉に求め、しかもそれを当たり前だと思っている・・。 いい人だし、父親としては◎なのだけど、私は絶対結婚したくないと思っています(笑)

Kiko, お帰り~^^ よく頑張ったね!楽しかったみたいでホッとしました。 「箸はダイエットにいいわね!」はおもしろいね~。 でも私たちみたいに上手に使えるようになると、ダイエット効果もなし?!(笑)

See you soon.

Tomo

Hi Everyone

I am single. I am like Panda’s friend (not “beautiful, attractive and very kind” part ;-) I just haven’t met the one I love enough to want to spend the rest of my life together. I don’t particularly have negative opinions about marriage but marriage itself is not my priority, maybe because I don’t really want to have children. It seems like a major reason that women are in a hurry to get married is because they want children.

Tomo
You talked about your family before so I knew you have a good family. And I’m sure you are the heart of your family. I can see even on this blog that you are caring (sometimes worry too much ;-) and willing to make efforts to make things work (like improving your English).

Blue Dream
Wow. ごちそうさま!(って英語でなんていうかなあ?)Lucky you! You seem to have one wonderful husband but I think that’s also because you are so sweet :-)

むらさき
Yeah, I think you have a good point about high divorce rates. Every couple has their own style of marriage and that’s okay, isn’t it?

David
When I first read the part that you have loved someone deeply and that’s why you can never get married, I thought of romantic reasons. I should have known better. Oh, I knew you were a player! ;-)

Kiko
You seem to have had a wonderful time! Great! I’m happy for you :-D

Lily

Hi Lily,

Thank you for your comment! To be honest, I didn't like children so much. Because they are noisy and cruel and rude!(笑) それに子どもなんて絶対産みたくない!って思っていました。 出産がどんなに大変で、苦しくて、痛いのかは色々知っていたし(本当の意味では知らなかったけど)、私には絶対耐えられない、と思っていました。 そんな私が子ども3人なんて不思議でしょ?(自分でも不思議!(笑)) 人は変わるものですね~。 今では小さい子を見ると、自然に微笑んでしまします。 私が主人と結婚したのは、「この人の子どもなら産んでもいい」と思えたからでしょうか。。 本当に心から愛せる人との出会いはなかなかないものですよね。 待ってる時は現れなくて、待っていない時にいつの間にか現れたり・・。 昔のチャーミーグリーン(台所洗剤)のコマーシャルを知っていますか? 「♪チャーミーグリーンを使うと手をつなぎたくなる~♪」 その中で、色々なカップルが幸せそうに手をつないでいるのです。 そして最後に老夫婦が出てきて、とっても素敵な笑顔で手をつないで歩いていたのです。 私の結婚の理想は、それなのですよ~。

Tomo

Hi Tomo
>「この人の子どもなら産んでもいい」
Exactly! For me, it's not enough that the baby is my own. It also has to be by someone who I really love. Besides, it's a lot of responsibility to raise a child so I would need a good partner to share it. Otherwise, I'd rather stay single or childless.
>「♪チャーミーグリーンを使うと手をつなぎたくなる~♪」
Yeah, that was really sweet. That's my ideal too :-)

Lily

Hi there!

It's a tough and deep topic for me, because I am single for one thing and my parents got a miserable divorce for another.

Tomo, thank you for sharing your parents' stories. You must be a very positive person. You obviously had a negative experience about your parents, but you must have somehow turned it into a lesson and you raised a warm family. Not only Tomo, but also everybody that's been married for years must have worked very hard to survive hard times and enjoyed good times.

In that sense, I can understand David. In my case, I learned the lesson from my parents' example head-on, in stead of twisting and turning it into a productive and instructive lesson like Tomo did. Marriage is not for me, for now... How would you know if the person in front of you is "The Mr./Miss. Right"?

But when you do meet Mr./Ms Right, and I'm only guessing this, you'll probably know. And you'll probably be willing to take the plunge and marry the person despite your fear of whatever it may be. The Mr./Miss Right would make you feel like it's worth trying. Or the person may be so right that you won't even think that you may one day not be in love with the person any longer.

Again, I'm only guessing but at the same time I'm hoping that that's the way it should be. While you keep on coming up with "what if's" and "Maybes," you don't love the person enough, I guess. Or simply you are not ready yet. And I think the hard part is not deciding to marry, but to stay married, as many of you said.

I used to have sort of a fear of having children. Whether I don't get married because I don't want kids or I don't want kids because I don't want to marry to anybody is the chicken-or-egg question. I used to say, "It's not like I have a fear, but I choose not to be a mother, because I don't want kids and I can't be responsible."

My older sister has two kids now. When the first kid was still a toddler, she made me feel very nervous and I even had jealous. I don't have good childhood memories, so I guess I was greatly jealous of my little niece for having such a kind and perfect mother and a family. When she was three, my sister had another baby. It was around then I started to feel comfortable around kids. They bring a lot of things - joy, comfort, smiles, laughter, discoveries, surprises, ... I guess you mothers know better, Murasaki, Tomo, Blue Dream, Panda, right? This change of heart had a great deal of influence, I guess, on my views on life. Not to a degree where I want to raise a family any time now yet :-)

I believe everybody has his/her own best time to do anything - especially for life-changing events. I would like to take it easy.

Hi Tomo,
That’s right! My husband had lived by himself for 8 years. You made a good point. Men who have lived by themselves know how to take care of themselves. They can prepare their own underwear to put on after a bath! (笑) And as you said, they know how hard housework is. It makes a big difference. It could be one of the advice to women who want to get married, “Choose a man who has lived by himself.” :-)

Hi David,
Thank you for your advice, but no worries, he isn’t handsome enough to get stolen. But, it doesn't matter to me. The important thing is not what he looks like but what he is like. Single young women are tend to be attracted to men who are good-looking, manly, excellent at work. But, they aren’t necessarily domestic. There is a saying that you get bored with a pretty woman in three days (I mean 美人は3日で飽きる). Speaking of which, my husband sometimes says,”People say that you get bored with a pretty woman in three days, but I don’t get bored with you at all.” Is it a compliment or….?

Hi Lily,
I’m happy to be said sweet. But according to my husband, I’m more interesting than sweet. Is it also a compliment…?

Hi panda,
I agree with your thought. 出会うことがまず大事。If I hadn’t met my husband, I might be single now. And I would have a different idea about marriage.

Hi Everyone

I just found the 名言 from 英辞郎.

"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
(幸せな結婚生活を築く際に大切なのは、ふたりの相性がどれだけいいかということよりもむしろ、相性の悪さをどうやって乗り越えるかにある。)

書きたいことはたくさんあるけど、年末から仕事に追われ時間がありません。おまけに英語に泣かされてます・・・(Kikkoさんの気持ちが痛いほどわかる今日この頃です。)でも丁度、調べ物をしていたら上の名言を見つけたので、書きたくなってしまいました!では、また。。。

Hi Blue Dream,

Can I comment on just one thing you said? It is very interesting because not many Japanese people know how to say this in English, even advanced speakers like you.

言われたら嬉しい

is I'm happy to be thought of as sweet.

And I think your husband is paying you a big compliment there!

Hi a.i

"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."

This is the interesting expression. I think that is a true. But I would not the exact meaning if I don't get married. I'm not a enough person to do it now.

See you and take your time!

Hi kiko,
I guess the classmates of your kid had great time, teachers, too. You had good job. I respect you.
I have a kind of feeling that I'm happy People from another countries are interested in our own culsture and customs... Actually, I'm good at use chopstic. That means it's hard to lose weight???
Look forward to hearing news about your life again!!

Hi Alex,
I don't think I can find which man exacly fits me easily. Maybe, it's easy to think that he is the man who I follow. But how can I notice whether it is true or not? However, I suppose it's fun to live every day because there are lots of unknown things around us. So I have no choice to decide to get married except how I want to do it to the man.(結婚の決め手は、どれだけ自分がその人としたいかという気持ち以外にないということを言いたかったのですが・・・).

I love children and want babies some day. But I'm very scared of it.

Take care of yourselves.

Everyone’s comment is very interesting and I can accept all. I
understand anew that there are various views and lives.
As Lily said, I agree about the big reason of the women want to get marry is they want children. Actually my friends are as say so. They will think that “I want to bear a child!” by necessity, because women has surely physical limit. But I also surmise that there is many women (like Lily or alex) who are unmarried and don’t want child. If your present life is comfortable and you are independent, I think you don’t need to try to force yourself to get married. It may be suddenly bring you marriage without notice!

Why do we get married? I couldn’t find answer, even if I think a long time. But I think that it can probably agree with married people that Maki said “これからずっと一人では寂しすぎる”. Ultimately, I feel single is lonely, and we need a partner of life although we don’t get married. In an extreme cases, the partner is important, even if it is may and December couple (年齢差のあるカップル), couple of women-and-women or men-and-men. My point which I feel happy by marriage is secure feeling that husband and wife mutually support each other. It’s like companion who share all things, enjoyment, grief, suffering and etc, of course love.

tomo-そうです。Ayakoは私です。I remember I wrote about this on blog(September of last year?), about 15 years ago, he was a teacher of English school in Singapore and I was a student. At that day, I heard from David about 独身主義者, but It was a shocking opinion for me, because I was only turned 20 (or older) and yearning marriage and innocent girl(?). (20歳そこそこで、結婚というものに憧れたウブな少女だった). I read this topic, understand that it was the established philosophy. 単なるプレイボーイ?かと思ってた(笑)。I’m sorry David.

alex-'I would like to take it easy.' なんとなくこの言葉好きです。

Blue Dream-チャーミーグリーンのようなご夫婦を想像します! I also want to ask your husband 'What is the secret of a happy marriage?' When I hear his opinion, I will deliver his word to my husband in its integrity!

Hi Alex,

Thanks for your comment! Yes, I learned about married life from watching my parents. I learned the lesson. I knew that they loved us(me and my sisters) very very much, but they really hurt my feelings. Because I was a teenager. While I was growing up, I promised myself that I would have a really happy marriage.
I'm sure you will know whether the man is your right person when you meet the one, your heart will know, I believe.
You are right, children bring a lot of things, especially your own children.
Parents are responsible for their children, but it is not that difficult. If you love your children, that's enough. There is nothing more important than this, I believe.

Tomo

Hi, all

今回の話題はテーマが難しいだけに、使われる英語も難しく、ついていくのに精一杯です!

I have seen happy marriages, unhappy marriages and divorces. But I cannot tell what makes the difference. But in my case, when I felt unhappy and wanted to divorce, my husband apologized me and helped me to recover. (It took me five years to recover. My husband was very patient!) I am sure that many couples, even if they seem happy, have some unhappy experiences and have got over hardships.
それでもどうして、結婚を選ぶのでしょう・・・愛って何なのでしょう?幸せって何なのでしょう??考えれば考えるほど、頭がお豆腐状態です。(←デビッド、意味わかりますか?)
でも、子供は、かわいい。それは、one of eternal truths ですね。

Hi Everyone,

I didn't have time to do a new entry today, so I will do one on Monday. I'm going to Suzuka to ride tomorrow, and then after I finish, I'm going to the hospital to pick up Tonari san. He is very happy to be leaving! I think the first think he wants to do is eat ramen. Anyway, this topic has been very interesting. What do you want to talk about next? I would like to hear your ideas. Have a great weekend.

Hi, kiko
お箸講習会、おつかれさまでした! kikoの話を読んだ後に、中国・韓国・ベトナムとかお箸を使う他の国でも同じ持ち方、使い方なのかしら?と疑問が…。中国は同じだと思うけど、どうなんでしょうね。

Hi, Tomo
Thank you for answering my じゃないかなぁ~question. :-)

Hi, m.n
I’m not so busy right now as I used to be. But I’m excited about my friend’s wedding held tomorrow. Her two-year-old niece is going to be a flower girl. She will make sooooooo cute one!

Hi, David
Is Tonari-san going to leave the hospital? Doesn't he need a wheelchair anymore? Great! What flavor of ramen you two like? Enjoy ramen!!

Hi David,
Tonari san is leaving the hospital!!! That's great. I've never hospitarized and hate going to hospitals. He has been patient. Tell him "Congratulations" !!!
By the way, I was thinking about next topic. How about discussing the formation of families. I want to talk about it because I heard that your brother lives with his girl friends and their babies without getting married. That is unnatural for me. I'm sure I'm a kind of classical type of person.

Hi tea,
The wedding is fun!!! The girl would give the couple happiness, wouldn't you? Have a great time.
My job has done today. I have only two day off. I'm taking time to smell roses for a while and start to work at a new company from Feburary 1st. I will be busy!

Hi, everyone:
This morning I was listening to “Celine Dion” in the train. One of the songs grabbed my attention. I’ve heard this beautiful song “All By Myself” many times but it was just music for me until this morning. But the lyrics suddenly had a meaning. I don’t think it’s about marriage, but as Maki said “これからずっと一人では寂しすぎる” the lyrics got to me. (ちょっとへこんだ。) It goes like this:

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin' love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore

Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure
(繰り返しは省略)

Pandaのコメントを読んで思いました。少し話が極端になり過ぎて恐縮ですが、子孫を残そうとすることはあらゆる生物が持つ本能だと思います。
植物、昆虫、魚、その他の生物が自らの子孫を残すために行う、時にすさまじいまでの努力を見るとき、産卵後、または子育て後、役目を終えたかのように死んでいく生物を見るとき、まるでただ子孫を残すためにだけに生まれてきたのではないかとさえ思われることもあります。
なので結婚制度そのものは人間社会が便宜上?作ったものだとしても、それでもなお、ある時期を迎えると、この人と結ばれたい、この人の子供を産みたいという思いがわきあがってくるのは、とても自然なことだと思うのです。(もちろん、そう思わないのは不自然だという意味ではありません。)
ただ人間の場合は、高度な知能や感情、複雑な社会環境により、そこに個人的な要因や社会的な要因が加わって、複雑な問題になっているし、第一、寿命も長いので、それ以外の人生の意義などの問題もかかわってきて、ことはそう簡単にわりきれるものではなくなっているのだと思います。
あと、幸せについては前にも一度言ったことがあると思いますが、「しあわせは いつも自分のこころが きめる」と思っています。相田みつをの言葉です。
あ、頭が豆腐はおもしろいですね。わたしはもう”おから”状態。これ以上考えがしぼり出せない!

panda, むらさき
I sometimes say "頭が味噌汁", みそだけに。。。
オバサンギャグですみません(笑)

It IS my ideal marriage. I love simple ones. I believe it's worth reading.
日本語でスミマセンが…。

Thank you, David, for your advice on my English. I’m really glad you corrected it, as I wasn’t sure if it was right. May I ask you for one more advice? I wrote ‘you will be happier to stay single’, which meant あなたは独身でいるほうが幸せだ. I feel the sentence strange. Could you correct it for me?
I made a mistake in spite of your advice! I wrote ‘Most of women’instead of ‘Most women’. I don’t understand the difference between them yet.
○ most of them, most of the students, most of the time, most of the people
× most of women, most of Japanese, most of people
Could you explain it again? 私がなんとなくこうかなと感じているのは、後にくる言葉が限定的であればmost of, 全体を指していればmostかなと思うんですがどうでしょう。たとえば、「その人たちの大部分」であればmost of the people, 「人類全体の大部分」であればmost peopleなんでしょうか? Oops, I’m asking you two questions!

Hi ayako,
To tell the truth, my husband isn’t in Japan now. He’s in France on business trip. I’ll ask him the secret of a happy marriage when he is back. Oh, don’t worry, I’m not crying this time!

Thank you, むらさき!
むらさきのコメントは、いつも「そのとおりだなあ!」と思って読んでいます。『生物が自らの子孫を残すために行う、時にすさまじいまでの努力・・・』ほんとにそうですね。話がそれるかもしれませんが、私も、子育てに疲れたときには、窓の外のカラスの巣を見て、『カラスのほうが子育てが大変に違いない!私もがんばるぞ!』と、自分を励ましているのです。(といっても、カラスの巣は、親ガラスが襲ってくるので恐いんですけれど)
Celine Dionの歌、とても聴いてみたくなったので、レンタルするつもりです。(歌詞の最後の行、Remains the cure が、よく意味がわかりませんでした。時間がある方、どなたか、教えてください!)

Hi, tea
私は今日まで、「頭がお豆腐」は、日本人の共通語なのだと思っていました!頭が味噌汁・・・。おもしろいです・・・!大豆つながりですね!

Hi, David

となりさんの退院、おめでとうございます!!This is a happy day! 私は実は、となりさんの退院は、next Saturday と言っていたので、来週の土曜日だと思い込んでいました。でも『次の土曜日』という意味だったのですね。

By the way, I have a few ideas about what we talk about next.
1. to talk about our favorite songs, lyrics, poems or story written in English. The ones that you are impressed, or you remember phrases in them.(この歌のおかげで、英語のこんな言い方を覚えたよ!というようなものを紹介する)
2. to talk about other languages. What do you learn other than English? What country did you visit and what language did you use?
3. Where is your favorite country apart from Japan?

If you are not interested, please forget it. どんな話題でも、がんばってコメントします!

Hi panda and むらさき,

Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

I like Celine Dion, but I liseten to her songs in French recently. I can't understand any lyrics, though. By the way, I'm thinking about the meaning of "Remains the cure". I'm not sure, but I guess it means "恋で傷ついた心を癒したことを思い出す" like that. I can't explain it why I thought like this in English. So I'm telling you about it in Japanese.
恋をする気持ちはぼんやりとしか思い出せない程昔のことだけど、傷ついた心の癒し方だけは何となく思い浮かんでくるみたいなことを歌っているんじゃないのかなーと思いました。が、勝手な想像なので、どなたかわかる方教えてください。
教育テレビで英語の歌詞を読み解く番組があるのはご存知ですか?

Hi, panda
Thank you very much for your comment. You’re soooo nice and sweet! 何かえらそうなこと言ってしまいました(;一_一)
Crows? Watch out!
About the song, I heard that the original one is sung by Eric Carmen. But Celine’s version is great. The album's title is “Falling Into You”.
And “Remains the cure.” is the part that I don’t understand neither. 実は歌詞の意味は今まであまり意識していませんでしたので、私もよくわかっていないのです。

Hi, m.n
Thank you for your comment. “Remains the cure.” は倒置で、 “The cure remains.”のことで、“ただひとつの解決法(救済法)が残っている” とかいう意味かなぁと思ったのですが、その前からの流れからいうとちょっとねぇという気がしていました。どれが主語かもわかりません。
m.nの解説は歌の雰囲気にぴったり合っているみたいです。なんだかとても詩人ですねぇ!

Hi, tea
「頭が味噌汁」はいいですね!具だくさんでいい味出してそう。

c.o. Tonari-san
ご退院おめでとうございます。Now you’re famous nationwide, or maybe world-famous Tonari-san!

Hi むらさき,
私もAll by myselfは大好きな曲です。ただ、ちょっと寂しい印象のある歌ですよね~。
私の解釈は‥‥

Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

孤独であることを認めるのは辛い
時々不安になる
愛すること(人?)が遠くぼやけてしまう
解決できないまま

remains the cureは、解決法を残したまま、みたいな意味なのかなあと思いました。若いころはひとりでも平気だったけど、ふと立ち止まった時、自分がひとりであることに気づき、どうしようもない空虚な感覚に陥った。
そもそもall by myselfっていうのは、「自分のせいだよ」と言ってるのか、「一人ぼっち」と言ってるのか‥‥。
詩って難しいですね。人によって理解の仕方が違うだろうし、これっていう答えはないのかもしれないし。

Hi David,
I'm happy for Tonari-san! 良かったですね!Did you have a good time at Suzuka? And how was the ramen? He was eating it happily? I think many Japanese want to eat ramen after traveling or drinking or something. I don't know why. How about you?
Yes, it's true that most women don't want men with dangerous and expensive hobbies, but I'm sure there are some nice girls who understand and cheer for Tonari-san. For me, men(and women) who can ride bikes are so cool! Because I can't drive a motorcycle. 原付は乗れるけど、普通のバイクの両手両足を色々使うのが(ギアを変えたり)出来ないのです(笑)

Hi むらさき,
I agree with your thought. 人を愛せる人間で良かった・・!と思います。 そして、「しあわせは いつも自分のこころが きめる」ですね。 私もそう思います。 人と比べる必要なんてない、幸せに大きいも小さいもない、自分が幸せだと思えればそれは価値あるものなのだ、と思っています。

私も話題に混ざりたいのだけど、Celine Dion の歌はタイタニックの「My heart will go on」くらいしか知らなくて~。。

Tomo

Hi Everyone,

I learned a lot from your all comments. Now I feel that I was very childish and selfish when I was married. I didn't face my ex-husband sincerely....(反省&自己嫌悪). Anyway, I am happy to hear your thoughts, ideas and opinions. Thanks everyone!

About the lyrics,
I also like this song, though ちょっと寂しい内容だけれど。
"all by myself"は、”ひとちぼっち”っていう意味かなぁ。"love so distant and obscure"の主語は"I"??As ayako said,
詩って難しい!Maybe there are 100 understandings when 100 people read the same lyrics?!

Hi everyone. i have some good news and some bad news. Yesterday, Tonari san left hospital. He was walking well and he looked really good. The bad news is that as he was leaving hospital, I was going in! I don't rememer much about what happened, but I was trying to pass a slower rider and he suddenly changed his line. I remember my front wheel hitting his rear wheel, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the medical room. I went to hospital by ambulance, but they let me go after taking CT scans and x-rays, so I am back at home now. My legs are fine, but I have a broken arm, a broken collar bone, and some broken ribs. I also hit my head quite hard, and my face looks like I have been in a boxing match! I will show you a picture sometime.

Apparently, there was another accident just before mine, and there was a red flag to stop the riders. I think the rider in front of me panicked when he saw the red flag and tried to pull into the pitlane suddenly. Unfortunately, I was still doing about 150 km/h! It was a big accident, and I was very lucky not to have worse injuries. I'm going back to hospital tomorrow, so I will do another entry on Tuesday. Hope you are all having a better weekend than me! See you soon.

David! Are you OK? I'm shocked to hear that! You were lucky not to have worse injuries, but you have a broken arm, a broken collar bone, and some broken ribs.., it's 大怪我! Thank you for writing the comment with your broken arm. It must have been hard for you. Doesn't it hurt? Is there someone help you?
Hope you get better soon.
We all, the blog family are worrying about you!
無理しないで、ゆっくり休んで下さいね。

See you soon,

Tomo

Hi Tomo,

Yes, it hurts a lot! I cannot use my right arm. But the guys from the bike team are taking really good care of me. Thanks for worrying.

Hi David

It sounds painful! I hope you aren't right-handed. Celebrating with ramen was postponed, wan't it?(just kidding) From my experiences of having broken foot and having broken arm, it is better than broken leg, isn't it? My father is in the hospital, injured his spine. He looked stressful because he couldn't go to bathroom by himself and stand on the bed to eat food because of a cast, everythings in dishes were out of his sight.
Anyway, spoil yourself and relax for a while.

Hi David,

I am so supprised to hear your accident! But I am relieved that you are at home, though you have 大怪我. Please take enough rest. Hope you to get well
soon. お大事にしてください。

Maki

I was shocked to know that you got injured. I was angry with the slow biker in front of you. Was he careless or on purpose??? Please take a good rest and we blog family members are looking forward to see you on Tuesday (or later, if your right arm hurts).
どうぞ、お大事にしてください。

p.s.
たくさんの方、歌詞の解釈をありがとうございます。私もなんとなくわかる気がしてきました。

!!!?
David, you must be joking! Oh my goodness!! Take good care of yourself.

Ayako, Maki,panda:
Thank you! I was just surprised to find that such a beautiful song has those sad lyrics. おっしゃるとおりですね。受け取り方は人それぞれ。正解はないのかもしれませんね。

Tomo:
本当にそうですね。 傍目には幸せそうでも、実は不幸な人もいますし、他人がどう思おうと、本人は幸せいっぱいということもありますね。
タイタニック、なつかしい!あの映画で一番良いと思ったところは、最後にあのおばあちゃんが(確か)ペンダント(だったっけ?)をプンッと投げ込むところ。

Hi David,
Are you all right? I was very surprised at the bad news. I know the bike is dangerlous, but I didn't expect you met an accident. I was shocked.
But you are lucky man as you and others said, just broken hand, huh? You hurts heavily, though. Take care of yourself more than usual and rest.

Hi panda,
1. to talk about our favorite songs, lyrics, poems or story written in English. The ones that you are impressed, or you remember phrases in them.(この歌のおかげで、英語のこんな言い方を覚えたよ!というようなものを紹介する)

This is good idea for next entry topic if David is getting better then. I was enjoyed talking about the rylics むらさき gave us. What do you think of it? Does anyone come up another ideas or agree with me?

Hi まっく,
Did you graduate from this blog? Don't say "yes". Come back here, please!!!

Hi maki,
All people don't know our own future. All people fail something and leraned something from them. So you are getting more beautiful woman, I guess(I'm sure)!!!

Hi David,
Are you really OK? I feel that's so terrible as everyone said. Bike is so dangerous! After the accident happened, are you afraid to ride on bike? I hope so. Anyway, Please get long time off and don't worry about this blog! Even if you will not do new entry, we will keep chat online!

Hey, m.n,
I think the same thing as you. But don’t you think the comments about wikipedia and ピクショナリ were fromマックwhen we were talking about chopsticks? 私はそうにらんでいるんですけど。If I’m wrong, please forgive me,マック.

David!
Oh, my goodness! You had an accident! I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds pretty painful. Please take care of yourself, okay?
But ... as Tonari-san was leaving the hospital, you were going in?! That was kind of funny (sorry! :-) Anyway, take it easy!

Lily

Hi David,

Good morning! How are you feeling today? Did you sleep well last night? When I heard the bad news, 思わず飛んで行こうかと・・(笑) It's a joke but そのくらい心配してますよ~。 If you stay in hospital, I would come to see you.(It takes more than 4 hours from here to Nagoya by train and Shinkansen,though.) But of course, I don't want you to get hurt anymore.
Doesn't your neck hurt? Because you said that you hit your head quite hard. When you were in the accident, you were still doing about 150 km/h, right? I can't imagine that! 大怪我をしても無事で良かったです、本当に。。
I really hope you get well soon. せめて痛みだけでもやわらぐといいですね。

Take care,

Tomo

Hi, David

Did you sleep well last night? Didn’t your injury hurt?
This morning I read what you wrote carefully and found out the rider in front of you was panicked to see the red flag and changed his line suddenly. I am ashamed of having got angry.


Hi, m.n

Thank you for your comment!  Remains the cureについて、いまは、私自身はこんな風に考えることにしました。(すごく希望的ですが!)But I hope there remains the cure.
と、たくさん補って、『(でもいつか、きっと素敵な恋に出会って)心が救われますように』自分勝手すぎますか・・・?でも、Maki や、Ayakoの言うとおり、十人十色ですよね!でも、自分の訳を信じているわけではなく、みなさんの訳かもしれないな、と思っているのです。

David,
Sorry to hear about the accident. But injuries are inherent to sports, especially motor sports. And the thing with motor sports is that they can be fatal. Please be careful. I once was into F1 so much and I was a big fan of Ayrton Senna. When he died in crush, it took me a while to recover from the loss as a fan. I hope you enjoy bike racing to a degree where you won't make your family and friends cry, and yourself.

While in America, my roommate in her fifties once broke her leg. Her friend was a therapist who practice homeopathy and reiki. My roommate said she started walking without crutches in a much shorter period than her doctor said because of those alternative treatments she received from her friend. I've never heard the word "Reiki" before that, even though it originates in Japan, I guess... But it was very interesting how something that is originally from another country can be much more popular than it is in its originating country.

Anyway, as everybody says, I do hope the pain soothes soon.

Hi Team,

Thanks for all your comments. I spent most of today at the hospital, and the news is quite good. My eye looks really horrible, but the doctor said there is no serious damage and it should get better naturally in a couple of weeks. My collar bone is broken, but they don't think I will need an operation. My arm is broken too, and it is in plaster now. (ギブス). It will take about 3 weeks to heal. My ribs are brused and painful, but probably not broken. Overall, I guess I was very lucky. Tomo, thanks for your offer, but I want to meet you when I am healthy. I will try to do a new entry tomorrow.
Bye for now, David

Hi Team,

Thanks for all your comments. I spent most of today at the hospital, and the news is quite good. My eye looks really horrible, but the doctor said there is no serious damage and it should get better naturally in a couple of weeks. My collar bone is broken, but they don't think I will need an operation. My arm is broken too, and it is in plaster now. (ギブス). It will take about 3 weeks to heal. My ribs are brused and painful, but probably not broken. Overall, I guess I was very lucky. Tomo, thanks for your offer, but I want to meet you when I am healthy. I will try to do a new entry tomorrow.
Bye for now, David

Hi David,

The accident sounds really serious, but I am relieved to hear that your eye is OK and you don't need an operation. We all are looking forward to your next entry, of course. But before that, Take care! 無理しないでくださいね!

Hi m.n,

Thank you for your heartful comment! Hope I am getting a beautiful woman!(笑)

Maki

Hi David,

It will take about 3 weeks to heal? That is a very good news! 思ったより早く治るみたいなので安心しました。 早く元気になって下さいね^^

Look forward to your new entry.

See you soon,

Tomo

Hi David

I picture you.
I hope you get well soon.

Tori

Hi alex
I'm glad to know you like F1. I was a fan of Mansell, though.

Hi tea,
Really?! What's he doing, do you know?

Hi David,

It was quite shocking that you had an accident, and it sounds very painful.
But I am gald that you don't need any operation.
Hope you get well soon!

Hi Team,
Finally I finished my essays and come back here.
I know it's bit late and everybody are about moving on to next topic.
But I would appriciate if some of you could answer my questions.

My questions are ...
1. Is it possible to being married if you don't stay (settle down) in one place?
2. Is it possible to keep your marriage even though you cannot live together (longer than a few years)?

Those are the questions come up to me when I think about my future.
As I wrote before, I am studying Peace at a university in UK. And I am hoping to get a job which something to do with peacebuilding like UN, OSCE or NGOs.
To do such work, I cannot imagine myself settling down in one place. And there is no guranteed for a job or salary in this field. Therefore it seems almost impossible to get married.
And I had been ok with the idea prioritosing my dream rather than getting married. But lately I realised that it would be lonely no matter how many friends I have.
At the moment, I can only think of myself and my career. But is this just an excuse for my to run away from reality or responsibility or something else?
This is totally about me, but it would be great to hear somebody's comments.

Cheers,
Kay

Hi David,
I was surprised to hear you had an accident. It is good your injuries turned out not to be as serious as you expected. You said you would show us a picture of you injured, but please don’t. It will make us(especially Tomo) worry you again. もしTomoがDavidの奥さんだったら、心臓がいくつあっても足りないでしょうね。Anyway, take your time and rest. You don’t have to post a new entry if it’s hard.

Hi Kay,

Good to have you back. OK, I'll answer your questions. But it's just my own thought.

1. I think it is possible if you marry with a person who understand you and cheer for your dream or share the same dream. I don't think settling down in one place is a big problem, but I think settling down in one "person" is a big problem.

2. I don't know.. Because it is sometimes difficult to keep your marriage even if you live together. People's feelings change in a good and bad way. Living together or not, it might not be a big problem. But for me, living together is very important. Because you can share many things with your wife or husband. Many things-happiness, sorrow, joy, suffering, fun, delicious meal, beautiful sight, etc.. many things you have and will have. For me, married life is sharing.

The other day, I asked my husband the questions David asked us.

1. Of course.
2. I don't know, but maybe.
3. そんなものはない。
4. Fifty-fifty. その時々で違う。 だからおもしろい。

Then, he said this, 「孤独を寂しいと思うから結婚する。」

PS Blue Dream, I laughed when I read your last comment! That was funny but you are right. By the way, your husband are back from France?

Kay, hello!

First of all, I think it's a great think to devote your life helping people in need.

This is what I personally think... I think both are possible, though it would require a lot of effort and understanding on both sides. If you pursue your career in peacekeeping operations, you'll meet people with the same or similar interests or goals. If you find your partner among them, you may be able to share your values and life with him, I guess. If you meet a guy whose job requires him to stay in one place or in a specific place, it would be hard to make things work, don't you think? Unless both of you enjoy or at least don't mind the time on your own separate from your partner, the one that has to do all the waiting will eventually get frustrated, I'm afraid.

Think about it. If your partner keeps telling you to stay home, don't you think you'll be fed up with it sooner or later? So, I guess it's not marriage itself that stands in the way, but who you meet is what really matters. I'm sure such a caring and loving person like you will find a someone really nice. Be brave and proud!

Hi, Kay

I will answer your question, too.
1. Yes, it is. But when I have a child, I might want to stay one place.
2. It depends. I will wait for him a couple of years, if I feel my husband loves me. But if I doubt that he loves me, I will not be able to wait.

もし、誰かを好きになっても、その人と離れて暮らさなければならないなら、結婚するのを迷うと思います。だって、遠く離れて、その人が心変わりしないという保証はないからです。でも、もしその人が私をすごく愛してくれて、離れて暮らしてもその気持ちが変わらないと確信したら、結婚すると思います。つまり私にとっては、自分がどれだけ彼を愛しているかではなく、彼がどれだけ自分を愛しているかが重要なんです。(ごめんなさい・・・英語で書けませんでした)Happy to hear that you have done with your essays. Please take a rest for a while!

Hi, David,

I am sorry to hear that you were involved in the traffic accident, seriously injured. But if you were driving at 150km, apparently you were over speeding. The police should have had stopped you, and taken some time to write a speeding ticket for you. Then, you wouldn’t have had encountered the accident!

I sincerely hope that you shall recover soon, and get back to the normal life, which means to write this blog as often as possible. (!?)

Hi, m.nさん & むらさきさん

Yes, I am still here. Nowadays, I don’t visit this blog as much as I used to. I guess I am the only male member of this team, except David, and feel uncomfortable to join making comment about the topics. ウ~ン。

むらさきさんのニラミはすべてお見通しですネ。
ときどき、このブログは名前が消えて掲載されるのです。

ところで、セリーヌ・ディオンの歌ですが、CDを一度も聞いたことがなく、詩の訳は学校、しかも何十年も昔の高校時代に授業でワーズワースの詩を訳したとき以来です。詩は日本語でも読まないので正しく訳されているか未保証。だれか正しく訳してください。

若かったとき
人を必要とせず
恋さえもてあそんだ
そうした日々は過ぎ去り

今は一人ぼっち
昔の友に思いを馳せて
電話をかけても
だれも応えない

一人ぼっち
一人ぼっちはもうたくさん
話す相手がいない
一人では生きてゆけない

現実は厳しく
時には不安で
恋は遠いものになり
救いの光すら見えない

最後のところは、(It is) hard to be sure. Sometimes I feel so insecure and love so distant. And obscure remains the cure(=the cure remains obscure)と理解しましたが間違いかな?

追記:こんどCDを娘から借りて聞いてみます。

Hi David
How are you feeling today? I was very surprised at the bad news. It must be hard for you in doing anything. I really understand your feeling very well. Because I broke my tailbone three years ago. I slipped over on the wet slope because of the typhoon. I couldn’t get up two days then. At that time, I always thought “ I need the walking stick inside the house, too!!” But I’ve learnt a lot of things from my accident. 健康のありがたさ、老人や障害を持ってる方の大変さ、人間の体の神秘(特に骨の大切さを実感!咳をしただけでも痛く、くしゃみなんて最悪!!)たぶんDavidの場合は息をするのも大変なのでは?と思ってしまいます。だけど日頃体をきたえていた分、もっとひどい大怪我にはいたらなかったのかもしれませんね。今は無理をしないでゆっくり休んで下さいね。早くよくなりますように。

PSマックさんの詩、素敵ですね!骨折したとき本当に一人は大変だし、寂しくて本気で結婚したいと思った。元気になった今でもその気持ちはあるけど、でもI’ m still single!!(笑)

Hi m.n.
Thank you for your comment!
新しい仕事がんばってくださいね!慣れるまでは大変だから体にきをつけて。

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for your support. Mac - I wasn't speeding. I was practising at Suzuka circuit. I always drive safely on the roads. I had to go to work today and I am very tired now. I will write again tomorrow. BTW, I decided not to put a photo on here in case my mother sees it. She cannot use her computer this week, and I don't want her to worry about me, so let's not talk sbout my accident after tomorrow.

Also, I decided that I should get married. If anyone has any pretty friends who are nurses, please introduce me!

Hi David,

Did you go to work today? お疲れさまでした。 ゆっくり休んでくださいね。

When I read this "I decided that I should get married", I was like “えぇっ!?”. But I found that it was a joke, wasn't it? Sorry, I don't have any friends who are nurses.(笑)

Hi alex
I think Mansell retired all kinds of car races after Indy car races in America. Man-chan is in Isle of Man whose cats have no tail. :-D

Hi David
I know a girl who is a nurse, pretty and cheerful. I can't help liking her. Are you interesting her?(w)

Hi, Tori!
Long time no hear. How are you?

Hi, マック!
Or should I say マックさん. I’m very happy to hear from you.(m.n,良かったネ!)
Please don’t say “feel uncomfortable”. Are you sure you’re the only male member? I always think your comments are 思慮深くて、穏やかな感じがとっても良いなぁと.“にらんだ”りして大変失礼いたしました!(^_^;)
And thank you very much for the translation! ワーズワースのようにすてきな詩ですね。みなさんに訳していただいて、とてもうれしいです。If you have a chance, please listen to the song.

Hi, a.i.
You’re right. When you’re sick or weak, you would want someone to stay with you.
I’ve heard a funny story. A woman who experienced the Hanshin earthquake thought she wanted anyone to stay with her during the disaster, but after a while she realized she wants someone but anyone. (だれでもいいからそばにいて欲しいと思ったけど、平常心に戻ったら、だれでもいいというわけではないと悟った)

Hi! マック,
A person without a name…it was you! Thank you for helping.I always thank for your gentleness.
 私もむらさきさんと同じで、何となくマックさんみたいだなあなんて思っていました。でも、もし違っていたら、教えて下さった方に失礼なように思えて、書けませんでした。改めて…ありがとうございました。マックさんは本当に色々な経験をされているのですね。これからも、いっぱい教えてくださいね。
 お箸のことで頭いっぱいで、息子の宿題が終っていないことをすっかり忘れていました。明日までになんとかしなくっちゃあ~!

Hi David,
Thank you for keeping this blog with your broken arm. Please take care more.
Is that a joke. I thought you wanted to get married seriously. Tea, she would help you to meet pretty woman. If your mother hears of it, she will be very happy! Anyway, you need a real nurse now.

Hi, むらさき
I really respect you! I didn’t notice they were written by マック. You are right.
He is still here. That’s a good news for me(us).

Hi マック,
I’m relieved. You are still here. It sounds great. You feel uncomfortable in this blog??? Hmmmmmmm. That is big problem, but think about these things. We don’t care about the differences of sex, race, age, type of person, the level of English… We are free to write comments. So you(we) can feel free to say what you think here. And I need your comments. It’s because I have never met the interesting and smart person like you. (of course, the teams are also interesting and smart) You are very new for me. You are really really interesting. My feeling touch your heart??? I do hope you will be here. Please……
今回の歌詞にも感動!!!

Hi a.i
Thanks for your comments. Actually, I’m on panic for being ready for new job. But I will do it!!!

Hi, panda
I totally agree with you, むらさき, maki. We can imagine and make the meaning of all lyrics. The are no answer. Your idea is beautiful.

m.n, tomorrow is a big day for you - you're starting out at a new place tomorrow, right? You're probably very nervous now, but just be yourself and keep a smile on your face. You'll do fine! Don't bother to post your comment tomorrow, if you are not up to it. You'll probably be exhausted tomorrow night, I get. Let us know how it went when things settle.

tea, "Man-chan on the Isle of Man"?! I was like "What?" I've never heard of that place before. It seems to be a small country near the UK.

Hi Alex,
Thank you so much for your comment!!! I'm glad to hear that. I took day off today. I'm going a party called soubetukai tonight. I'm really nervous now. I don't know why I feel something wrong. I know some people on the new company. And I'll work with them. However, everything is new for me. But your comment made me relaxed. I wonder if I sleep tonight...lol

Take care of yourself.

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