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2007年4月 4日

Red Lights

Hi Team,

I’m glad you all understand the difference between Wales and England now. Wales is a beautiful country, and I hope you will all have a chance to visit one day. Tomo, maybe that could be your first trip abroad! Iun – it’s good to have you back. I’m glad you enjoyed your time in NZ. I was planning to go there in March, but バイクの事故があったから行けなかった。
The discussion about differences between countries is very interesting! I will tell you what I think about some of the topics you raised …

Drivers
I think one of the strangest things about Japan is that pedestrians always wait to cross the road if the light is red, but drivers always jump red lights! It seems that if you are walking, red lights are very important, but if you are in a car, they are just like a guideline. I think this is very dangerous because pedestrians (especially children) often do not check if it is safe to cross a road – they just trust the green light. In Sapporo, I saw some elementary school children waiting to cross the road one day. They were waiting for the lights to change, and they were getting ready to race each other across the road. They were staring at the lights because they wanted to be faster than their friends, but they were not looking at the cars at all. In Britain, people often cross the road against red lights if there are no cars coming, but we always check the traffic even if the lights are green.

Medical insurance
I agree about this. Japan’s system is much better than the U.S.A. Britain has free healthcare, but you have to wait a long time to see a doctor. Unfortunately, Japan’s system is becoming more expensive. Now I have to pay 30% of the cost, so if I have x-rays or scans, it is very expensive. この間の事故の後の検査も数万円かかりました！

Taking off your shoes
This is interesting! I usually do this in my house in Japan (not always), so when I go back to Britain, it feels very strange to walk into a house with my shoes on. Mind you, after a few days, it feels okay again. I think it is just what we get used to. How about Japanese people who live in other countries? Do you start wearing your shoes in the house after a few months?

Service
Hmmm, I disagree about service in Japan. I think I have said this before, but when I am in Japan, I always feel like I am dealing with robots, not people, because everyone says the same thing and just follows the manual. I agree that some service people in the West are rude, but some are really friendly, and it is nice to make that human connection with people you don’t know. I have noticed that Japanese people find it difficult to talk to new people unless there are clear rules. If you invite Japanese people to a house party, they usually say, “What are we going to do?” I was very surprised when I heard this the first time. In my country, we just all get together, eat, drink, meet new people and chat. There is no real plan – people just mix and have fun. In Japan, parties usually have a structure with organized games so that it is easy for people to talk to others. I think it is a bit sad that many Japanese people find it so difficult to talk to people they don’t know. I sometimes feel that there is a lot of loneliness in Japan – people have a narrow circle of friends, colleagues and family, and they never talk to anyone else. If you do talk to someone like a waitress, they always say exactly the same thing to you as they say to every other customer, so there is no real human connection.

Anyway, that is my feeling. What do you all think?

Look forward to your comments.

Comments

Hi, everyone;

Did you read The Japan Times this Sunday? Actually I didn’t. A friend of mine showed me an article from it last night, and it was so interesting. So I’d like to share it with you all.
The article says “Shibuya’s ‘loyal dog Hchiko’ vanishes”, with a photo of two girls posing beside the pedestal, which has no statue on it.
According to the article, a team of thieves, disguised as a cleaning crew, took it away.
If you are interested, please access the site below. (I couldn’t access the site that the Japan Times offers. So no photo, sorry.)

http://nihon.tribe.net/thread/df2cdcf0-5975-4830-8b73-f0029d2ed75d

Ummm….No Japanese newspapers say anything about it. April Fool, maybe?

  •  むらさき
  • 2007年4月 4日 17:22

Hi David,

Yes, the discussion about differences between countries is very interesting! There are many many things I didn't know at all.
I laughed when I was listening to you saying “え、本当に？本当に来てほしいの？” in the sound file. That was funny! I never thought of that. Oh, really, “またお越し下さいませ” sounds strange to you. You are right, most service people are just saying that, they just follows the manual. But I think they are taught following the manual and politeness is very important for Japanese people. Hmmm, they are like robots.., maybe you are right. But I think it is much better than rude attitude.
I agree about this, many Japanese people find it so difficult to talk to people they don’t know. I think I'm one of them. That's why I have a longing for Western people.　失礼な感じを出さずにフレンドリーっていうのは日本語だとなかなか難しいです。　う～ん、言葉よりも気持ちの問題なのかな・・。　日本だと、「フレンドリー」と「失礼」って紙一重というか、相手の受け取り方次第という所もあって、難しいです。　まぁ、丁寧な言葉でも"human connection"は出来ると思うのだけど、やっぱり踏み込めない感じがあるし、う～ん、結局は知らない人と話すのが苦手なのかな・・。　
And I have to teach my children to check the traffic even if the lights are green. I think they just trust the green light. But we all have to fallow traffic rules especially the lights. 無駄な交通ルールもたくさんありますが、信号くらいは守らないと。　じゃないとルールがルールでなくなってしまって危ないです。　でも車が歩行者の為にすぐに止まってくれるなんて驚きです。　日本でも時々はあるけど、多くはないですね。　だからたまに止まってくれると、運転手さんがすごくいい人に見えてしまう(笑)

See you later,

Tomo

PS むらさき,　I think it's an April Fool's joke!

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月 4日 23:27

Hi Murasaki
I wanted to see the picture but I guess the Japan Times’ article was already removed. Damn! It was probably there only on that day. It’s interesting that Western media (well, in this case not really Western) do this kind of thing and Japanese don’t, isn’t it? Thank your for sharing the funny article :-D

  •  Lily
  • 2007年4月 5日 09:02

Hi Everyone,

Good morning! How are you doing?

むらさき, Lily,
むらさきが載せてくれたアドレスの記事の下の方にもうひとつアドレスが載っていて、それをクリックしてみたら“消えたハチ公と写真を撮っている女の子2人”の写真と、実はちゃんと“ハチ公と写真を撮っている女の子2人(同人物）”の写真、両方が見れました。　それから次の注意書きも見付けました。

『Note from editorial staff: THIS IS AN APRIL FOOLS DAY JOKE! (It’s NOT actually true!)
Happy April Fools Day everyone!』

おもしろいことするね～！(笑)

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月 5日 10:05

Hi Lily,
Didn’t you bow to the Canadian drivers when you crossed? Of course, I did! I couldn’t help bowing. I’m sure they knew I was a Japanese.

Hi m.n and Pink NY
Wow! American shop clerks are dreadfully terrible! The story about the rude cashers I told before must be true. I was lucky I didn’t see such clerks in America.

Hi Tomo,
そのまさかです！ They don’t rinse dishes at all. カルチャーショックとはまさにこのことです。最初はカナダでホストマザーがいい加減にすすいでいたので驚いたんですが、一応すすいでいるだけマシだったようです。牧瀬里穂は、イギリスにホームステイしたときホストマザーがまったくすすいでいなかったと言ってました。他にも私が聞いただけで、フランス、オーストラリア、ニュージーランド、またアジアでも一部そういう所があるみたいです。でも私のオーストラリアの友達はすすぐと言っていたので、人によるのかもしれません。ちなみに、彼女は「それ、日本人によく聞かれる」と言って笑ってました。それだけ多くの日本人が海外で衝撃を受けて帰ってきているということかもしれません。主な理由は水不足だそうです。でも、水がないとか習慣の違いとかいう次元の話ではないような気がするのは私だけでしょうか。ちょっと考えれば分かりそうなものですが…。でも、それが当たり前になっていると、考えるということすらしないようで、日本人に「日本の洗剤は毒だからすすいだほうがいいよ」と言われて、驚いてすすぎ始めた外国人もいるとか。・・・オイオイ（笑）

  •  Blue Dream
  • 2007年4月 5日 11:02

忠犬八公

日曜日のＪａｐａｎ　Ｔｉｍｅｓに掲載された記事ですね。つまり、４月１日ですね。

その日は『エイプリルフール』ですね。

時間も書いてあり、非常にうまく書かれた記事です。
欧米人のユーモアのうまさには、いつもマイッター！です。

  •  マック
  • 2007年4月 5日 13:07

David, I've just got the post card! Wow, it's not a dream, I'm really going to join the event! Thank you～!!

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月 5日 16:09

Hi, David
I’m not trying to change your feeling toward service in Japan. Because when it comes to these issues, experience is everything, and also it depends largely on what kind of restaurants you go.
I understand there are many manual-oriented restaurants as you say, which I usually don’t go to, but I’m very sorry that you know only those kinds of restaurants after having lived in Japan more than a decade.
Having said that, if you expect a “friendly” service like to be called by your first name from the beginning, usually it never happens here, I’m afraid. (I myself don’t want to be called by my first name at a restaurant, though.) はじめからあまり馴れ馴れしいのは失礼ですし、第一、ちょっと気持ち悪いです。レストランなどで、敬語もしくは丁寧語を使うのは、他人行儀で、友好的では無いという感覚は、日本人の私には全くありません。friendlyかどうかは、言葉遣いとは関係ないと思います。
Talking to customers in a friendly manner might be a good service, but leaving them alone is also an excellent service, I believe. Your primary reason to go to a restaurant is to enjoy a meal, not to make friends. Being nice and polite to customers would be enough at the beginning. But from the second or third time, the “relationship” might be changing. Waiters in the restaurant I sometimes go with a Mexican friend of mine began to say “Adios!”, and then “Gracias!” and so on. I believe that’s how a relationship between waiters and customers grows.
By the way, at supermarkets in the U.S., I often witness a cashier chatting with a customer, leaving a long line of people waiting to check out behind. I wouldn’t call it “friendly” manner but 職務怠慢

Hi, Tomo;
Thank you for the information about the article!

  •  むらさき
  • 2007年4月 5日 23:25

Hi David,
Reading your thought about service in Japan, I began to think that it’s related with psychological distance（心理的距離）. I think our psychological distance to others is farther than westerners. It is different by who you are talking to. If it’s your friend, it is close. If it’s someone you don’t know (especially your customer), it is far. Overstepping the distance could be impolite. Do you remember some members said if waiters called them by first name, they wouldn’t be amused? Probably, that sense is common to Japanese. As Tomo said, impoliteness and friendliness are two sides of the same coin. But politeness is more important than friendliness in Japan. Having said that, we wouldn’t feel uncomfortable if they were a little friendlier. You have once said Japanese language has more set phrases than English. Almost all of Japanese shop clerks’ words are set phrases, right? いらっしゃいませ、○円お預かりいたします、○円のお返しです、ありがとうございました、またお越しください・・・。I see it’s boring for you. But it’s much better than offending customers. In case you didn’t know, American shop clerks say, “Come again now!” too.
In terms of the question“What are we going to do?”at a house party, look at it this way. We Japanese don’t have custom of house party, you know, so they really didn’t know what kind of party it was. If they were new to a house party, the question wasn’t surprising. But even if we know what a house party is, we are still shy to mingle.

Hi Tomo,
そうなんです。カナダでは、バスが通るくらい大きな道なのに、信号も横断歩道もないところで、スーッと止まってくれるんです。でも気をつけないと、歩道の端に立ってるだけで車を止めてしまいます（笑）。

  •  Blue Dream
  • 2007年4月 5日 23:34

Tomo,
Thank you for pointing to the link! I finally saw the Hachiko-less picture :-D

Blue Dream,
Yes! I bowed to the drivers :-D And, yes, you could stop cars by just standing on the street!

Murasaki,
About restaurants, you put it perfectly well. In fact I would’ve said what you said only you said it better. Maybe I wouldn’t have dared ... Thanks! Didn’t I say the similar things to you before? And didn’t you too? I mean, “You took the words out of my mouth!” kind of thing. I’m starting to think we have similar ways of thinking ;-) If you don’t understand what I’m saying, never mind.

  •  Lily
  • 2007年4月 6日 00:24

Hi Blue Dream,

そのまさかだったんですね～！　本当にビックリです。　外国の洗剤は口に入っても大丈夫なのかしら･･。　もし大丈夫だとしてもやっぱりアワアワのままじゃ嫌だな～。　これは本当にカルチャーショックでした。　いろんな国には色々な“普通”があるんですね。　私の持ってる常識や普通ってすごく狭いんだな～と改めて実感しています。　あとカナダではむやみに歩道に立ち止まっちゃダメですね(笑)　私も海外でそういう場面になったら、きっとお辞儀してしまうと思います。　もうこれは身体に染み付いているから駄目ですね～。

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月 6日 00:24

Hi all.

About party.
We, Japanese think "paty" is kind of formal event. I used to think so too. I saw that "party" is just "飲み会" when my british teacher asked me to come. Japanese would enjoy parties if they know that.


About service.
Japanese are kind of coward, afraid of getting anyone mad and tend to want being nothing wrong with. So clerks seem to be robotic. Maybe, "nothing wrong with" is the most important thing in Japan. I'm not tring to be mean to Japanese, of course! But sometimes I think so.


About dish soap.
In one of Nozomu Hayashi's books, he said that British people believed that dish soap might kill germ so they didn't rinse dishies off. Once I asked different British teacher about that. He admitted that looking ashamed. He knew the truth beecause he studied science. I think that's not common anymore.

  •  tea
  • 2007年4月 6日 01:13

Hi,again.

ぬ、早くも新しいトピックが・・・^^
よくよく前回のblogの自分のコメントを
見回したら、スペルミスだらけで文法もダメダメでした。
まだまだ勉強不足です。OTZ

>service
I think they value efficiency more than communications?
... and Most of Japanese likes making some plans when they do something.

When paraphrasing it,We are not good at the unplanned movement.
(↑言い換えると、日本人は何にも予定を立てずにぶらつくのは
あんまり得意じゃないんだと思います。)

Oops!!
By for now because my work have started .

iun

  •  iun
  • 2007年4月 6日 09:04

Hi Team,

Thanks for the interesting feedback. I have never really thought about washing dishes before because my mother always uses a dishwasher. Mind you, when I was in university, I shared a house with a medical student, and he always shouted at people if they didn't rinse the plates properly.

As for service, I agree with a lot of what you say. I don't want to be too friendly with waiters and shop staff either, but I do want to make a connection with them as humans. For me, it is actually okay if some of them are rude because if they are rude, at least I can think of them as a real person and not a robot. The idea of connecting with other humans is very important for me, and that is what I miss in Japan. If you go to a restaurant and the waiter is just like a robot, do you really think of them as a real person? Do you ever read their name tags? I always do. When I was in a gasoline stand the other day, I couldn't read the kanji of a girl's name, so I asked her. She told me how to say it and what the meaning was. It was a very short conversation, but we connected. When I was in America, a bell boy in the hotel brought my bag from the locker. I didn't know if I should tip him or not, so I asked him. He said that he always worries about that when he goes to another country too, so he was happy I asked. Because of that conversation, I could imagine him as a family man staying in a hotel in another country worrying about whether to tip or not, and I felt a human connection.
I think it is really important for our emotional health and well-being to make this human connection with the people we meet every day. Of course, I don't want to be best friends with them, but I want to feel like we are talking as people, not just 'waiter / customer'. One thing I have noticed about Japanese university students is that they do not mix easily with people they don't know. They usually make a few friends at the beginning of their university lives and stay with them for the next four years. In many of my classes, students don't even know the names or faces of people they have shared classes with for 3 or 4 years.
In modern Japan, there is a lot of talk about problems of mental health, hikikomori, depression and even suicide. I feel that part of the cause of the problem is that people simply do not connect enough with other humans in modern Japanese society. We meet all these other people every day - we pass them on the street and even interact with them, but they are not real people to us, and we are not real people to them. As I said, I don't want to be best friends with people I have just met, but I do want to think of them as real people. I know this is a culture difference, but when I look at young Japanese people and I compare them with people of the same age in Britain and America, I can't help feeling that something is missing.
Sorry this is so long - I hope you can understand what I am trying to say. Have a great weekend.

  •  David
  • 2007年4月 6日 19:48

PS I think that last comment will be very difficult for some people to understand. Any volunteers to translate the main points?

  •  David
  • 2007年4月 6日 19:49

David
I do understand how you cherish human interactions and connections with people around you including those you just pass by so to speak. That’s why I said I agreed with you wholeheartedly about American friendliness.

I also empathize with your concern over young Japanese people’s emotional immaturity. I think that kids tend to think of their parents and teachers as such creatures not real people, for example. I believe all young children in any world have that tendency more or less because they are naive. But as they grow older and put themselves in different shoes and get personal interactions with adults around them, they learn that all the people who are playing some roles in their life are human beings that have feelings and emotions just like themselves. But it seems that indifference to others is spreading in this country. It is very unfortunate especially for young people. When I was little, adults in my neighborhood looked out for any kids and often scolded them whether they knew the kids or not if they did something wrong. I hear people seldom do that any more. What you are doing is really great. Small things can make difference. If parents and neighbors thank clerks and greet cleaning workers, kids will do that and it will make them behave more friendly around others and also toward customers when they start working and then it will create a virtuous cycle.

So, basically I’m all for your ideas. However, I’d like to tell you something very frankly. You say waiters and clerks are like robots in Japan. You say you always feel like that. No, most of them are not. And I’m also familiar with North American ways, mind you. I understand you use those words to underscore your point, but I must say it sounds pretty offensive and quite shallow to me. I don’t know if you just happen to choose a certain kind of restaurants and shops but if it’s not the case, I would say it is either that the Japanese way of friendly service or expressing humanity is too subtle and foreign for you to understand or that it is you that don’t try to see real people. That makes me sad too.

I am sorry this was also a pretty long and winding comment, everyone (who was patient enough to read it though ;-) Thank you.

  •  Lily
  • 2007年4月 6日 22:58

Hi, Lily;
Yes, I know, I remember! Do you really think so? What an honor!
Well, communication is a two-way effort. トピックとはちょっと違うかもしれませんが、I’ve read that 「相手にわからせ自分を通す」のがヨーロッパ流。「お互いに、語らずに察する」のが日本流。before.
なるほどと思いました。同じ文化圏の人間同士なら良いですが、語らない文化は、しゃべってわからせる文化と接する時、圧倒的に不利ですね。

I’d like to share with you all interesting experiments on human connection. But I need to sleep now. 今日の午後、専務とレポート作成中に、このところの睡眠不足で、一瞬意識が遠のいた．．．と思ったら、突然、「ケーキでも買ってきて食べようか。」という目の覚めるような展開になっていた！
専務の目の前で一瞬居眠りをして、ケーキをgetした私。また“穴”が増えてしまいましたとさ。

  •  むらさき
  • 2007年4月 7日 01:03

Hi David and Everyone,

『サービスについて。　みんなが書いたことには同意見です。　私もウェイターや店員とそんなに親しくなりたいとは思いません。　でも、人間らしく接したいと思います。　私にとっては、少なくとも人として接することができるなら、彼らの態度が多少失礼でも構わないのです。　人との関りを持つことは、私にとってとても大切なことです。　日本にはそれが欠けている様な気がします。　レストランに行って、ウェイターがロボットみたいだったら、彼らを人として感じることができるでしょうか？　彼らの名札を見たりするでしょうか?　私はいつもしています。　先日、ガソリンスタンドで店員の名札の漢字が読めなかったので尋ねてみました。　すると彼女は読み方と意味を教えてくれました。　それはとても短い会話だったけど、私達は関りを持ちました。
アメリカのホテルで、荷物を運んでくれたベルボーイに、チップを渡すべきかどうか分からなかったので聞いてみました。　すると彼は自分もいつも外国に行くと悩むと言っていました。　こうした会話のおかげで、私は彼を自分と同じように悩んだりする人として感じることができました。
毎日の生活の中で、人との関りを持つことは心の健康、幸せのためにとても重要なことだと思います。　もちろん親友になりたいとは思わないけれど、ただのウェイター、客としてだけではなく、人として関りたいと思うのです。
1つ日本の大学で気が付いた事ですが、学生達は知らない人とはあまり関ろうとしません。　最初に仲の良いグループができると、ずっと彼らと一緒に過ごし、3，4年間同じクラスでも他のクラスメイトの顔も名前も知らない、とうい事がよくあります。
今の日本では、心の健康、引きこもり、うつ病、自殺などがよく話題になっています。　私は、十分な人との関りを持っていない事がその原因の１つだと感じています。　私達は毎日たくさんの人に会いますが、本当の人として関りを持っているでしょうか。
会ったばかりの人とそんなに親しくなりたいとは思わないけど、でも私は本当の人としての関りを持ちたい。　文化の違いだということは分かっていても、日本の若者とイギリスやアメリカの同じ世代の若者を比べると、どうしても何かが足りない気がしてしまいます。』

今回は特に自信がないけど(日本語もおかしい気がする）、もう眠いのでこれで。。　

Goodnight and see you later,

Tomo

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月 7日 01:41

Hi everyone!!

I think it's totally a culture differnce. Statistically, American people tend to talk to strangers often in public, 'cause THEY want to talk or they CAN NOT hold their tongue.We don't have the kind of custom in Japan. Becase we're too shy to talk to strangers. But once we know each other, there is no nastiness, and meanness between us, I think.
If you keep talking to waiters in Japan, you have a little chat with them, and do you still feel they're like a robot, like you mentioned??They're not a robot for me, they're just a professional.As long as they get money for their companies or restaurants, they have to follow the instruction.If they looked like a robot, it must be proven they was following the instruction perfectly WITHOUT TIPS.As for service, I like the Japanese way.All things considered, I prefer less rude society even if I can't get a human connection with people. it's a trade-off.I don't want rude people to spoil my life. Robots are much better than rude people for me.

See ya!

Pink NY

  •  匿名
  • 2007年4月 7日 02:37

Hi Team,

Thanks Tomo for translating what I said - Lily, I'm sorry if you think what I said was offensive, but that was not my intention. But remember that I have lived in Japan for 13 years now, and I have been to a lot of restaurants in a lot of places! Let me explain more what I mean by 'robot'. Please tell me if I am mistaken.
In Japan, almost every service industry has a manual. Service staff are taught, "If a customer says X, you say Y", or "Always say X when Y happens". For example, many times in a supermarket I have had the cashier say, "一円のおつりです。お確かめください". Do I really need to check 1 yen? They are just saying that because they say it to everyone no matter how much the change is. Let me give you a recent example. When I was in America, I had to call a hospital in Japan to cancel an appointment. It is a very small hospital, but when I called, the woman who answered said, 「少々お待ちください。担当の部署におつなぎいたします。」　I waited 2 minutes, but no one answered, so I hung up and called back. The same woman answered, so I tried to explain that I was calling from America and it was very expensive, so could she please just pass on a message. She wouldn't talk to me - she just kept trying to say 「担当の部署が違います。少々を待ちください」　even though I kept telling her I couldn't wait because it was very expensive. In the end, I just gave up. The message I wanted her to pass on was just "David Barker called to cancel his appointment on Monday." That woman was very polite, but I would rather she had been rude and do what I was asking her to do! Pink - you said that waiters and waitresses are professionals, but in many restaurants in Japan (I admit that I don't go to expensive restaurants very often!), they are just students doing part-time jobs, aren't they?
Lily - you said that maybe the Japanese way of expressing friendly service is too subtle for me - maybe that is true, and to be honest with you, I find the American service a bit too much and in Britain, people are often rude. But still, how can you have human interactions when one side is just following a manual? That's what I mean by 'robot'. It's not the service people's fault - it's what their bosses and companies tell them to do. Of course, not everyone is the same, but it is very common in Japan.
Did I tell you about my experience in a convenience store when I first lived in Japan? Every day I went to the same shop, and every day they said いらっしゃいませ to me and every other customer who came in. So even though they saw me every day and knew I was local, they greeted me in the same way as someone they had never seen before. I remember feeling that this was strange. One day, the woman said いらっしゃいませ。こんにちは。　I was so happy! Finally, she was recognizing me as a person. But then the next customer came in and she said exactly the same thing. And the next, and the next. I realized that the shop had just changed the manual and added こんにちは as a greeting. It made me feel very sad.

I don't know how many young people you guys know, but trust me, many university students have real problems mixing with others and many never talk to anyone other than their close friends. It worries me to see that. When I ask students to make groups or pairs, they never look to see if anyone has been left out. If someone has no partner or group, I always have to choose a group and say, "Can she join you?" I try to teach students to look around for people who have been left out and invite them to join their group, but not very many students can do this.
One very interesting thing I noticed early on in Japan is that when you teach 4th year students and call out their names on the register, very often students who are good friends have consecutive student numbers. At first, I couldn't understand why people would be friends just because they have consecutive student numbers, but then I realized that they had sat next to each other on the first day of university because of their numbers, become friends, and just stayed with each other ever since because that was the easy and safe thing to do.
As for the name tag thing, it would be interesting to do a survey of people coming out of restaurants and ask them whether they looked at the name or not. Another interesting thing would be to show them photos a week later and ask them to identify the one who was their waiter.

Like I said, I hope none of this offends anyone. Every time I go back to Britain, I am amazed by some of the rude and unhelpful people I meet, and I always look forward to coming back to Japan, but I do think that Japan needs to make some changes to enable people to lead happier lives. Anyway, have a great weekend.

David

  •  David
  • 2007年4月 7日 11:49

Hi, David. I agree with you 100%.
You know we are not good at emotional expression. We say it is by our nature. But it is not true. Nobody notice we are drilled into it from a very young age.

You might not know why we gave up our soul and when we changed from human to robot.
Believe or not, the spiritual welfare was the most cherished desire for the Japanese in prewar days. But it is said that the Japanese forgot it at all after the war. Because we had to be complete rationalists for a living.
As you know, the Japanese aimed early economic recovery so we have tried hard to build up a rational system in the postwar times. And it was not only system but also laborers who have a rational mind like robot.

I am the same age as you. When I was a child, our life was getting wealthier and wealthier. But we have passed over the wrong way because nobody tell the difference between material comfort and spiritual welfare. I think it is time to realize that.

I am sorry that I wrote into this blog without introducing myself. I am a big fan of this blog.

Thank you.

  •  Yuki
  • 2007年4月 7日 16:44

David
Wow, we’ve got lots of long comments on this thread. I’m pretty sure many people are getting tired of it and this is enough for me personally, so I’ll try to make it short ;-)
Again, I understand what you say and agree with most of it. Sorry if I offended you. I know you have lived in Japan for a long time, made great effort to learn the language and culture and mingle with people, and got a lot of experience. But still, I can’t help but feel that your choice of word was inappropriate. That’s my opinion. And I’d like to point out something else, not in order to argue with you but because I think it might be an interesting point.

I think there are slight differences in perspectives between Western people and Japanese people about service and work, which are playing a role in our argument. For example, as to name tag thing, traditionally Japanese people didn’t think individualism was important. In a Japanese work place, you don’t need to identify yourself (as individual) as much as in Western countries. (It’s definitely changing though.) A waiter doesn’t have “his” customers. Whole staff serves the whole customers. All the members are responsible. When I was working with Canadians in Canada and when I was dealing with European and American business associates at a Japanese company, I sometimes felt frustrated with their “it’s not my responsibility” kind of attitude (which I simply accepted as a difference in business culture and also admitted it had good points too). This may be a bit off the point, but in Western novels writers often name minor characters like a shop clerk who is shot to death, for example, in a few minutes by a burglar. It’s getting common but I remember it felt really strange when I first read it.

Sorry to hear about your bad experience with a hospital clerk. That’s really awful! But, in my opinion, it doesn’t have much to do with manuals per se. Because I had similar experience more than once in foreign countries too.

As for “決まり文句”, I found it interesting in Canada that cashers in supermarkets (even in big and busy ones like Safeway) always say “how are you?” to every customer. They go like this: “How are you?” “Good. Yourself?” “Great, thanks.” Granted, there are slight variations but basically the same. And most people never say “I have a bad cold.” or something like that even if they clearly did :-) It’s only a greeting just the same as “いらっしゃいませ”

Sorry, this became long after all :-D I promise this is it, everyone.
Thank you for giving me an opportunity to practice writing a lot, David. Let’s argue again sometime ;-)
Hope you have a nice weekend.

  •  Lily
  • 2007年4月 7日 21:37

Hi Yuki. Thanks for your comment. Great to have you with us. Lily - let me finish this discussion by saying that I have just been out to a Korean restaurant this evening and the service was excellent! It was really personal, and the tencho was treating everyone like they were family. Just one more thing about names - my brother works for a car rental company in England, but the company is American owned. When they answer the phone, they have to follow a set pattern and say, "Hi, XXX company. Ed speaking". Many British people find this too casual and friendly. I suppose it all depends what you are used to. In some ways, Britain is almost halfway between Japan and America in terms of culture and ways of thinking.

Anyway, talking of Britain, I have been doing a very British thing today. I have finally put up my dart board, and I have been playing darts. It's great fun! I bought the board in February but I couldn't put it up because of my 事故, (お母さんが呼んでいるかも）so I was really looking forward to playing. I will try and put up a picture next week. I am quite proud of my DIY.
See you soon.

David

  •  David
  • 2007年4月 7日 22:23

Hi David,

The discussion about service is finished already? I was writing my comment but it was taking so long time because it was very difficult for me to write it in English.
I think your idea of connecting with other humans is great. But 私がサービス業の人に求めるのは、マニュアル以外の会話をすることよりも、気持ちの良い態度です。
先日、とってもサービスの良いガソリンスタンドに出会いました。　それはまるでホテルマンのような対応で（ドアを開けて物を渡す時にはひざまづいてくれるような(笑)）、そこまでされると何だか申し訳ない気持ちになってしまったけど、でも元気で、はきはきしていて、ちゃんと相手の目を見て一生懸命対応していた彼の態度には好感を持ちました。　だからつっかえながら言う敬語も微笑ましかったし、頑張っててえらいな～と嬉しくなりました。　端の方で、別の若い店員が誰もいない空間に向かって帽子を取りながら「ありがとうございました！」と言う練習をしていました。　多分そういうマニュアルがあるのでしょう。　そこで交わした言葉はきっとマニュアル通りだったのだと思いますが、私は気持ち良くガソリンスタンドを出ることができました。
マニュアル通りのやり取りでも、私を気持ち良くさせてくれる人とそうでない人がいます。　マニュアル通りのやり取りは、決まり文句をなるべく避ける欧米の人たちにとっては、きっとすごく違和感があるのかもしれませんね。　でも日本人にとっては普通で、かえってその方が落ち着く、ということもあります。　でもマニュアルだけではダメだと思います。　病院の電話の人はひどいですね。　人と人なのだから、もっと臨機応変な対応をすべきだと思います。　
「いらっしゃいませ」「またお越しくださいませ」などの決まり文句は、多分挨拶に近いんだと思います。　挨拶や礼儀正しさは日本人にとってとても大切な部分です。　小学校の通知表に学習面の他に「学校生活のようす」という欄があって、１年生の通知表には「気持ちの良いあいさつ、言葉づかいに心がけて明るく接する」という項目があり(他にもいろんな項目がありますが)、よくできると○がもらえます。　It's interesting, isn't it?

“Japanese people have a narrow circle of friends, colleagues and family.” これは同感です。(自分も含めて）　私は知らない人と話すのは苦手だし、話しかけるのも恥ずかしいと思ってしまいます(とっても勇気がいる！)。　だから、Western people の持つ “Welcome オーラ” みたいなのが大好きだし、いいな～って思います。

See you soon,

Tomo

PS Yuki, welcome to the blog!

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月 7日 23:45

Hi, Lily, Tomo;
結局、「私がサービス業の人に求めるのは、マニュアル以外の会話をすることよりも、気持ちの良い態度です。」Tomoのこの言葉にすべてが表されているように思います。
少なくとも日本では、サービス業の人間にrudeな態度は許されません。ある程度の対応の形式も重要です。
でもDavidの言う日本のレストランというのは、主に店員が学生アルバイトのところ（高級とか、そうでないとかには関係なく）らしいので、ある程度納得できる点もあります。
私自身は、コンビニの店員にまでいちいちhuman connectionを求めませんが、これって、忙しい都会人の悲しい非人間的現実なのでしょうか？だって、店員にしてみれば、お客さんは何百人、何千人？もいるし、毎日来る人だって、数え切れないくらいいるでしょうし．．．。

  •  むらさき
  • 2007年4月 8日 00:21

Tomo
No no, it’s just that I am finished with it :-D
I’m impressed with your comment! Like Murasaki said, it is really well put. And thank you for translating David’s comment. It was perfect.

Murasaki
I’m relieved you didn’t get upset by my saying we are similar!
Are you sleeping well this weekend? Was the cake good? ;-)

Welcome Yuki!
Please join us again and introduce yourself sometime.

David
Playing darts? Sounds cool! I have no idea how to play except that you sure will throw darts, right? ;-P
Have fun!

  •  Lily
  • 2007年4月 8日 00:24

Hi David & all,
I understand very well that David thinks Japanese service is like a robot.
・マニュアル化された言葉の繰り返し
・ １円なのに「お確かめ下さい」
・ 一品しか頼んでいないのに「ご注文を繰り返します」
I'm also nonplused. But this is the 日本！or I think that is typical Japan. I think one of the reasons for such service is, Many of us were bound by "School rule（校則）" in junior high or high school days. We've been checked checked chekcked! from head to toe. We've been imprinted not to do thing without prescribed things. It's seems to have completed the foundation of the society which cannot express our identity.　All the same=lack individuality, it may be one of the Japanese culture.
Japanese are weak to an irregular thing. It is inflexible and not adaptable. Like Tomo said, if they have done humane service, even if it was manual, David's impression must have been different.
I know David lives in Japan for ten years or more, but we live here for 20 years or more! If David also lives in Japan that much, you may also get used to Japanese formal service.
David に日本のサービスを指摘されて、日本人がいかに慇懃無礼で杓子定規な印象を与えているのかと再認識させられた気がします。

  •  ayako
  • 2007年4月 8日 22:47

Hi, everyone and welcome, Yuki!
I’ll share two interesting experiments which show the excellence of human connection.
One of them shows how your brain works. A image of the brain shows the blood flow in a frontal lobe(前頭葉)of the brain increases when one is playing go(a Japanese board game), which means the brain is working actively. But it happens only when the player is playing go with a human. When the player is playing go with a computer, the blood flow doesn’t increase so much. This shows the reaction of the human opponent helps the brain work actively.
The other experiment was conducted by a social psychologist, of which I heard in the social psychology class back in my college days.
First, the social psychologist gathered some students and asked them to try pack themselves in a telephone box as many as possible. The students were all strangers to each other.(I don’t remember how many could be packed.)
Then he gave them an hour or two (Again, I don’t remember correctly.) to know each other. After that he asked them to try the same thing. But they couldn’t do it as many as before, no matter how hard they tried.（お互いに少し親しくなった後では、前回ほどの人数が電話ボックスに入ることができなかった。）
He concluded that they had begun to recognize others as humans who feel pain by talking and knowing each other, and they couldn’t force themselves to pack any longer.
So, if you pack yourself in a terribly crowded train, go shopping at convenient stores and playing games with computer without any human connection, your frontal lobe, which makes a human human, might not work at all!
As David says, part of the cause of the problems like mental health, hikikomori, depression and suicide might be, or rather, must be that people do not connect enough with other humans.

  •  むらさき
  • 2007年4月 8日 23:23

Hi Pink NY and Lily,
Japanese medical system seems to be very nice, isn’t it? I accept the word “sucks” even though I’ve never used the word. I heard of the terrible story. That is the movie “John Q”. Did you see it? Actually, I just know it. According to the story, a company change the insurance of a employee without telling him. And then, he got trouble because of it. I will watch it soon.

Pink NY and Blue dream,
I think now some of American are rude. But I had thought they are cool when I was more young. I don’t know why? But it’s truth.

Hi iun,
You spent great time in NZ, right? I want to see the lakes you went to. I wonder how much amazing! I need to go CHCH someday. Thank you for telling me about your wonderful trip.

Hi David,
I’m like a person who can’t talk with new people easily even though I like talking. I understand what you think Japanese service is like robots. You know many store let the staffs say the same greeting? I have the experiences that I got stuck when somebody asked me something because it was not manual. We Japanese people are very different from another countries, aren’t you? Especially, if somebody who I don’t know makes smile to me, I feel like he or she is strange. But I also make smile to new people when I go to abroad. Do you understand my feeling? I prefer to real human connection than not real.
話がずれちゃうかもしれませんが、イギリスの“衛兵？（バッキンガム宮殿などの前に直立不動で立っている。）”をどう思いますか？日本の接客もロボットみたいですが、彼らもなぜ笑ったり、決まった動きしかしちゃいけないのでしょうか？彼らは、何を考えているのか？とってもとっても不思議です。
　1円をお確かめ下さいはありえませんね。馬鹿にされている感じがしちゃいます。ただ、お確かめ下さいと言われて、本当に、店員の目の前で、お札を数えることができません。なんだか、「せこい」人だと思われている気がして。

Hi むらさき and tomo,
I thought Hachikou disappeared??? Oh my god !!! 私は、かなり騙され易いのです。 Especially, April Fools day.
私も接客は気持ちの問題だと思います。

Lily,
Welcome looooong comments!!!

  •  m.n
  • 2007年4月 9日 00:27

- サービスについてもうひとつ思いついた点
日本での型にはまった対応や、ほかの国で遭遇することのある無礼な対応というのは、いずれも基本的に未熟なサービスの表れで、その表れ方が文化によって違うのではないでしょうか。
日本では武道や芸能など、「型から入る」という考え方がありますね。まず基本的な型をひととおり覚える。でも、それだけではやっと実践できる段階に入ったビギナー。型の背後にある精神を理解し、自然に柔軟に応用できるようになってはじめて一人前でしょう。日本のサービスも同じ考え方ではないでしょうか。
逆に、型より実践から入る文化もあるでしょう。だから未熟なサーバーは振る舞い方を体得するまで、礼を欠いた態度に見えることが多いのかもしれません。
残念ながら、学生アルバイトでまかなっているようなレストランやコンビニでは、一人前になる機会は少ないでしょうし、ビギナーで務まるようにマニュアルを整備しているチェーン店なども多いでしょうね。

Murasaki,
Those experiments are really interesting! Thank you for sharing.

  •  Lily
  • 2007年4月 9日 00:33

むらさき,
It's very interesting and curious.

Lily,
I agree with you.
マニュアル化しないと、まとめられないんでしょうね。と、思うのですが・・・

  •  匿名
  • 2007年4月 9日 08:54

>むらさき
確かに言葉だけマニュアルで丁寧でも態度が悪かったら
余計に腹が立ちますからね＾＾；

>Lily
日本人は兎角なんでも「～道」にしたがりますからね。
(剣道・柔道・華道・茶道・書道・弓道・・・・）
形式や様式美を重んじる傾向の過多な方向での表れが
サービス業のマニュアルなのではとも思いますし、
おそらくこういうマニュアルをある程度持ってないと日本人は
好き勝手やっちゃいますからね。日本人全体がマニュアル
好きなのかも。

サービスが平等でなくなるから決まった台詞以外はなるべく使わないようにしてるとか、そういうこともあるかもしれませんね。


>m.n
You wanna see it?
Jump to under link(from wikipedia-english), you will find a picture.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:LakeTekapoNZ.jpg

(sorry, I`m in office now. I`m not able to up photos.)
I reccomed it ,if you want to go NZ!!

  •  iun
  • 2007年4月 9日 08:58

HI, Lily;
I can't agree more!

  •  むらさき
  • 2007年4月 9日 08:59

Hi David,
As for university students, you are right. I don’t like it, either. Sadly, it isn’t just confined to university students. Even elementary school pupils make a small group of good friends. Once they find good friends, they always act together. They play together during breaks, go home together, and even go to the bathroom together. Girls tend to do that. When the class is changed, they want to quickly make friends to act together so they won’t be left out. Being left alone could develop into bullying. It’s nonsense, isn’t’ it? But I’m not exaggerating. Some girls groups of my class in high school consisted of ones who sat next to each other on the first day of the class, like you said. It’s because it’s the easiest and safest way to find their place. It’s difficult to join another group later. Honestly, I don’t want to send my daughter into this silly world.
Your approach to communicate with service people is nice! They might not talk to you friendly, as they don’t know you expect it, but they won’t mind if you do it.
Robotic attitude is common in chain stores and restaurants called ‘family resutaurant’. The companies probably make manuals and have the employees follow them, as you guessed. I’m afraid you shouldn’t expect a friendly service from them. That’s the way they are. Anyway, I’m glad you found that not all restaurants in Japan are robotic.
I know how you feel about the phone treatment of the hospital. Inflexibility isn’t a good service. I agree some people aren’t flexible as they stick to a manual. But like Lily said, it happens in other countries, too. When I was in trouble in America, I called for help. But the woman on the phone was inflexible and didn’t help me out. I experienced it during my visit of only a week. Japanese service people are better to say ‘no’ politely when they can’t respond to your expectation, aren’t they?

  •  Blue Dream
  • 2007年4月 9日 12:37

Hello again, David.
みなさん、はじめまして。Yukiです。
Davidと同じ独身主義者というわけではないですが、
やりたいことをやっていたら、結婚生活に魅力を感じなくて、
東京で一人暮らしを続けています。
長年SEをやってましたが、一生分は働いたと感じたので
会社勤めをやめて、今は貯えを少なくしない程度に
フリーランスで稼ぎながら、大学で心理学を学んでいます。

わたしは、以前お世話になった英国のホストファミリーが大らかで思いやりに溢れた素晴らしい人達だったので、すっかり英国ひいきになってしまい、Davidがウェールズ出身ということで（わたしが滞在したのもウェールズに近い西部側でした）このブログをのぞくようになりました。　

いつかブログの仲間に入れてもらおうと考えるも、論文の提出に追われ実現できずにいたんですが、今回Davidが指摘してたことが、わたしも常々感じていたことだったので、自己紹介もなしに勢いで書みしました。それにも関わらず温かく迎えてくれて、ＴＯＭＯ、Ｌｉｌｙ、むらさき、どうもありがとう！！　

前回、率直に言えなかった点を日本語で書きますね。
Davidが具体的な例を出して問いかけていたので、サービスの質についての意見が主に飛び交っていますが、彼が元々問おうとしていたことは、日本人の真心って何、幸せって何？ってことではないでしょうか。

とかく常識的、儀礼的というのが日本人は大好きです。
ただ、常識というのは、そこに正しさがあるわけではなく
単に大多数の支持があるというだけで、儀礼というのは、
そこに心があるわけでなく単に形式にのっとったというだけです。
もちろん、サービス産業全般（結婚式や葬式まで）に、
真心を問うことなんて必要ないと日本人は思うでしょう。
産業界は理にかなっていさえすればいいのですから。

それでは、わたしたちの生活のいったいどこに、
正しさや真心を求める気持ちが働く場所があるのでしょうか。
常に、理に、または利にかなってさえいれば問題ないとしか、
考えなくなってきているのではないでしょうか。

多くの若者（中年も）が、家族、または親しい友達とだけ心を通わせれば、それで十分と考えていると思います。それで十分と思うような日本社会に問題はないのか、わたしは時々考えます。

そして、わたしたちの人付き合いが儀礼的・常識的の範囲でしかなければ、わたしたちの幸せも表面的なものでしかなく、本当の心の豊かさを失っているのではないかと思います。

思いテーマですし、これはDavidにではなく、日本人の人に問いたかったので、日本語で書かせてもらいました。ここは若い世代の人達が多いので、率直な意見が聞ければ嬉しいです。

一行でも論文を進めるのを優先して、ブログの書き込みは少ないかもしれませんが、今後ともよろしくね！
See you.

  •  匿名
  • 2007年4月 9日 13:19

Hi David,

How are you doing? Did you have a good weekend?
My children's spring vacation is over. Today, I went my son's junior high school to attend the entrance ceremony.

The discussion about service is very interesting! There are many ways of thinking and feeling. (みんなのコメントについても色々書きたいのだけど、今日は記入しなくちゃいけない書類がいっぱいあるので・・、sorry!)

By the way, playing darts is a very British thing? I didn't know that. I'm looking forward to the picture of your dart board which you are quite proud of your DIY! (Are you good at DIY?)

See you soon,

Tomo

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月 9日 21:46

Hi Blue dream,
I also think that kids tend to make a small group with only good friends. I guess younger people are scary of being alone or different from others than older think. And Japanese people including adults think so more than people from another countries. We are raising in this kinds of world and become robotic on service. What do you think?
I don’t think robotic service is good but it’s more comfortable than rude service. Of course, service on warm heart is the best.

Hi Yuki,
It’s great to join us. Nice to meet you! I’m interesting your life and respect you because you seem to have fun and learn what you are interesting. I want to make my opinion about your comment IN JAPANESE. Because it’s hard to say in English…
私は、必ずしも、日本人が常識的、儀礼的が好きだとは思いません。もちろん、好きな方もいっぱいいらっしゃいますが、常識的、儀礼的にならなければならない暗黙の了解みたいなものが、日本の社会に根付いてしまっている様に思うのです。そういった環境で育ってきた日本人は、そこから外れる事を恐れているのではと思います。そして、とても面倒くさがりな人種なのではないでしょうか？人と意見を交わして、ぶつかり合うなら、黙っていようとか、決められた事に逆らって、怒られるぐらいなら黙っておこうとか、いつしか、自分の心を抑え、心を表現する事が出来ずに、表現する場所を失ってしまっているのではないかと思うのです。習慣や環境が、個々を殺してしまっていると思う事がたまにあります。もちろん、何時でもかつでも、自分の気持ちを現すのはどうかと思いますが…。このような世の中では、とりあえず差し障りなく、過ごせばいいか、仲の良い人達だけで、付き合っていくことが一番楽に感じ、サービスを始め、いろんな面で、心無い、意味のない、マニュアル行動になっていくのではないかと考えています。
　ちゃんと、答えになっているでしょうか？昔から、国語が苦手で、話がずれていないか心配です…。
　心理学を学んでいらっしゃるんですね。私は、人の心が読み取れないので、すごいなーと思います。

Hi Lily and murasaki,
The no name comment in this morning was written by me.

Hi Alex and kiko,
How have you been? I miss youuuuuuuu…
Hi Panda,
When are you going back here???

Hi Ayakio,

I think so, too. 当たり前のことって、指摘されないと気づかないですよね？

  •  匿名
  • 2007年4月10日 00:28

↑　This is written by me. I don't know why my name wasn't showed.

  •  m.n
  • 2007年4月10日 00:31

Hi Ayako,
ごめんなさい。スペルを打ち間違ってしまいました・・・。

「David に日本のサービスを指摘されて、日本人がいかに慇懃無礼で杓子定規な印象を与えているのかと再認識させられた気がします。」

I think so, too. 当たり前のことって、指摘されないと気づかないですよね？

何だかうまく表示されません。

  •  m.n
  • 2007年4月10日 00:36

Hi Team,

Thank you as always for your long and interesting comments! Yuki - thank you for sharing your thoughts, and once again, welcome to the blog. I think that one of the interesting things about this blog is that it gives many people a chance to make friends with people they would never usually talk to. For example, Tomo is always the first to welcome new people to the blog, but it would be much more difficult for her to just talk to these people if they sat next to her on a bus. (Tell me if I am wrong, Tomo!) In other words, this blog gives people a chance to have real interactions with people they don't know very well, and maybe people like it because they want to do that in real life but can't. I don't know - that's just my feeling. Tomo said that she finds it difficult to talk to new people, and yet she is one of the friendliest people on the blog. Wouldn't it be fantastic if we could all be like this in real life? Isn't it strange that we sit next to people on buses and trains every day and never talk to them? We go to the same supermarkets and are served by the same cashiers, but we know nothing about them as people. When I was in America, I was sitting outside Starbucks having a drink (there are a lot of Starbucks in Seattle!) and an old lady came and sat down next to me and started talking. It turned out that she was a retired teacher, so we talked about our experiences of teaching for a while. It was nice! I had never seen her before, and I will probably never see her again, but our lives connected just for that short time.
I do not usually feel homesick because I love living in Japan and think of it as my home now, but I remember once when I was in the Lake District in England with my friend Paul and a farmer walked past us. We had never seen him before, but Paul made a joke with him about his cows as if he was an old friend, and the farmer laughed and made a joke back about the fact that Paul and I have no hair! I was living in Japan and just on holiday in Britain at that time, but I remember thinking how much I miss that kind of friendliness.
In my university, there are a lot of cleaning staff. I noticed recently that one of the young ones looks like one of the older ones, so I asked if they were related. The older one said, "Yes. She is my daughter". I wonder how many students and staff at the university have noticed that? Probably not very many! Let's try to change the world and make it more like this blog where new people are always welcome and anyone can talk to anyone!
Anyway, I was really busy today because of the new students, and I will be busy again tomorrow, but I will try to write a comment. I will do a new entry on Wednesday. By the way, the next entry will be a very special one. Can you guess why?
Speak to you soon,
David

  •  David
  • 2007年4月10日 00:45

Hi, Yuki;
心理学を勉強していらっしゃるのですね。あーあ、学生時代にちょっと聞きかじったことを、記憶もあいまいなままに、しかもへんてこりんな英語で書いてしまって、恥ずかしい！

日本人が特別に常識や儀礼が好きなのかどうかわかりませんが、私は常識や儀礼にそって行動することはそれほど悪いこととは思いません。家族や友人、気心の知れた同士なら、どうしようと自由かもしれませんが、全く見ず知らずの他人が、これだけの密度で生きていくには、やはり常識や儀礼がある程度必要だと思います。（もちろんそれにがんじがらめになって良いということではありませんが。）
それに、常識や儀礼に心が無いというのも、私にはよくわかりません。そもそも儀礼は、他人に不愉快な思いをさせずに、「あなたを尊重していますよ」という意思表示だと思うのです。挨拶だって、本当はそんなこと思っていなくても、にっこりと「いつも大変お世話になっております。」と、お互い口に出して言った方が気持ちが良いではありませんか。
私、何か勘違いしているのかもしれません。もしそうなら、申し訳ありません。それともどうしようもないバリバリの日本人なのでしょうか？

  •  むらさき
  • 2007年4月10日 01:02

Hi everyone!

>Hi! Yuki!
Nice to meet you. I'm a newcomer, too! The way you live is kinda cool for me!

>Hi むらさき！
Like you said, I also think the Japanese custom and courtesy are based on consideration for others in the first place. So I like your thoughts.

>Hi David
As for the phone treatment of the hospital in Japan you had, it's pretty typical for the U.S. It happened sometimes even my hubby called the other kinds of places, like an insurance company, department stores, and a cable company etc. It really ticked him off everytime.I think those kind of things happen here often much more than Japan, but I feel sympathy for you.

About friendliness, yes, let's do it! Let's change the world!!Truthfully, I didn't believe it's good that we try to connect with strangers like David said.Because I just couldn't find some good points against it, but come to think of it, I couldn't find some bad points, either!! So I started thinking why David is particular about a connection with strangers even if it's not deep.Now I changed my mind a little after this.

Yesterday, I found an homeless guy on the street, so I gave him some money, and we chatted for a little while.When I was about to leave there, he gave me heartfelt thanks and he said at the end, "Happy Easter". I said " You, too."This experience made SO me happy, maybe him, too. I was connected with him as a human.I could not imagine a homeless guy brought a smile my face!!

I found out that knowing other people, which is to connect with someone make your world gets bigger and richer.Choosing all your relationship by yourself might be a bit danger. You might make smaller your world by yourself.So we might want to pay attention to a connection with others more.

If I have to leave NY for some reason, I'd probably miss the American frendliness.It was a bit pushy for me before, but now I got used to it(*^_^*)
We should spread the non-Japanese style friendliness in Japan like David mentioned.

Pink NY

  •  Pink NY
  • 2007年4月10日 04:24

Hi David,

How are you? Many people's new lives have started. There must be a lot of “ドキドキ”!

Yes, you are right, exactly. I can say “Welcome to the blog!” to new people on the blog, but it would be much much more difficult for me to just talk to these people if they sat next to me on a bus. I would get shy and cold feet even if I want to do. And yes, this blog gives people a chance to have real interactions with people they don't know very well, and I like it, I love it because I want to do that in real life but can't. I agree with you, it would be fantastic if we could all be like this in real life! Do you remember? I told you before about my story "Why I like English." English is friendly language and makes me friendly. For me, this blog is English-speaking world. I can do or say things that I can't do in real life. And I understand new members' feelings because I was very nervous and my heart was pounding when I posted my first comment. I think it might be more difficult to join this blog than before because the blog has regulars and kind of a family circle. For Japanese people, it is very difficult to jump into a new circle, you know. So I think if regulars give a welcome to them, they will feel relieved and happy, and join again, right? このブログは普段できないことができる、そしてそういう自分の方が好きだと思えるようにしてくれました。 普段の生活の中ではこんなに自分の意見を言ったりしないし、保護者会などではいつもひたすら黙っている私です・・(笑) So this blog is a wonderful place for me to talk to many people and express myself!

Listen to this, last month, I attended my son's graduation ceremony, and ライアン先生 who was AET from NZ was there. I was not sure he was ライアン先生 because I hadn't met him. But I had heard a little about him from my children, so I thought "He must be ライアン先生." When it was 門出式, he was standing next to me, and I wanted to try to talk to him. I was thinking like this, “What should I talk to him? "Are you Lyon?" But this may be kind of rude because he doesn't know me at all. Maybe I should say "Mr. ○○". But I don't know his family name, oh no! ああ、もう日本語でもいいや。 Are you ライアン先生? って言えば分かってくれるかな･･、ああ、でも・・どうしよう・・” But while I was thinking with my heart pounding, the ceremony was over and he was gone... In the end, I couldn't talk to him. I missed a good chance, again. But, I saw him at the entrance ceremony yesterday. He was introduced as the AET by the principal. When I got home, I said my son “ライアン先生がいたね！中学でも教えてるんだね” Then he said "Why don't you talk to him next time?" "Well, OK, I'll try", I said. 次は勇気を出して話しかけるぞ～。

By the way, the next entry will be a very special one? Will we have a new guest? What is it? I'm looking forward to it!

Talk to you soon,

Tomo

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月10日 11:26

Hi Yuki,
初めまして。お仕事をされながら大学の勉強をして、大変そうだけど、好きなことを学べるということを羨ましいなあと思います！これからも、時間のあるときはコメントして下さいね。
常識的や儀礼的が好きな日本人について
私も日本人が常識的や儀礼的が好きかどうかはわかりませんが、形式を重んじる傾向はあると思います。私はむらさきが言うように、常識も儀礼も必要なことだと思います。そこには歴史があるからです。マニュアル化された事とはちょっと違う気がしました。でも、欧米人と比べると（もしくは、日本以外のアジアと比べても）日本人は非社交的で内向的であるように思います。他人とは関わりたくない、それが日本の社会は冷たいと感じさせているのかもしれません。
とてもありがちな例ですが、電車やバスで、お年寄り・妊婦さん・子連れの人に席を譲る人がとても少ないと思いませんか？ケースバイケースなので、一概には言えませんが、「どうぞ」と声をかけることも、席を譲られることにも慣れていないというか・・・。他の国ではどうなのでしょう？

Hi m.n,
>当たり前のことって、指摘されないと気づかないですよね？
そうなのです。このブログで面白いと思う事の一つは、Davidの日本観かな。「なんで日本人はこうするの？」と聞かれるまで、そのことに全く疑問を持ってなかったりするんだけど、聞くと「なるほどな〜」と感心したりして。

  •  ayako
  • 2007年4月10日 14:21

Hi,everyone;

Pink NY, とても良いお話ですね。なんだか映画のシーンのようです。進化したお名前もcool!

Tomo, どうしよう、どうしよう、とドキドキしながら手に汗握ってるＴｏｍｏの様子が想像できるようです。なんだかちょっとcute!

ayako, 同感です。いろいろな国のいろいろな都市へ行きましたが、私の感じだと、その中で一見一番冷たい感じがするのが東京の人です（実は私も東京人）。
何か尋ねると、とても親切に教えてくれますし、外国人でも、言葉で説明できないので一緒に連れて行ってくれたと感激する人もいるくらいです。でも、こちらから声をかけることはあまり得意ではないと思います。なのである意味、とても損をしているかも知れません。
ＮＹへ初めて行った時、バスを待っていたら、男の人が何か叫びながら（と私には思えた）こちらへ向かってきたので、思わず身構えると、「怖がらないで」と言って、乗るバスを確認してくれました。バスに乗ったら、今度は70歳くらいの女性が、「私はもう必要ないから」と言って、バスマップをくれました（広げたら、お菓子のくずがドッとはさまっていましたが）。
ラテンの国、たとえばスペインでは、地図を広げようものなら、何か手伝いたくてしょうがないみたいに、人が周りをうろうろし始めます。そして、目が合ったとたんに、待ってましたとばかりにやって来て、「どうした？どこへ行きたい？」と尋ねてきます。一度、電車に乗り遅れてホームで呆然としていたら、その辺の人たちが４、５人集まって、勝手にあーでもない、こーでもないと言い始め、やがて結論が出たらしく、「お嬢さん、バスで行きなさい。」ということもありました。
びっくりしたのは韓国。電車で明らかに自分より年上と思われる人が乗ってくると、それほどお年寄りでもなくても若い人は黙ってさっと席を立ち、年上の人たちは特にお礼を言うわけでもなく、当然のように座っていました。台湾でも中学生たちがわざわざあっちにいるおじいさんを呼びに行って席を譲り、その後、そのおじいさんにノートを見せたりして楽しそうに話していました。
外国から帰ってくるたびに、受けた親切を返そうとするのですが、いつの間にか冷たい感じの東京人に逆戻り。ダメな私です。

あー、また日本語ばっかりになってしまった。だって時間は１５ぶんの１くらいで済むもん！

  •  むらさき
  • 2007年4月10日 23:14

Hi Everyone,

「常識的、儀礼的」 についての私の意見です。
私も典型的な日本人なので、やっぱり常識や儀礼はある程度必要だと思っています。　でも、うわべだけじゃなくて、そこにも気持ちを込めることは出来ると思っています。　でも時々、自分が常識や儀礼に必要以上に縛られているのを感じます。　日本人としての常識に縛られてなかなか勇気が出せなかったり、「失礼じゃないかな･･」と余計なことばっかり考えてしまったり・・。　もっとそういうのから離れて気持ちを楽に、自由になりたい！と思うこともたくさんあるけど、でもやっぱり逃れられない･･。　もう「お辞儀」のように身体に染み付いてしまっているのかな。

むらさき, そうなの～、すごくドキドキしちゃった。　ただ話しかけてみようと思っただけなのにね(笑)　まず最初に「ライアン先生ですか？」って聞いて、そうだって言ったら、「日本の卒業式はどうですか？」とか、「あれが私の息子です」とか言おうかな･･とか思ったんだけど、結局何も言えませんでした。　あ～、もう、どうしてこんなにドキドキしちゃうんだろう。　別にライアン先生かどうか確かめなくても、何か言えばよかったのに･･と帰ってきてから思いました。(遅い！）
むらさきはいろんな国に行ったことがあるんですね～、いいなぁ～。　また行きたい！って思う所はある？
それにしても待ってましたとばかりにやって来て、「どうした？どこへ行きたい？」と聞いてくれるスペインの人、すごくいいね～！(でもそれはスペイン語？)　どうして外国の人は知らない人に気軽に話しかけられるのかしら･･？　いいな～、別に勇気を出して･･ってわけでもなさそうだし、ドキドキしないで出来るなんて本当に羨ましいです。

David のStarbucks での話や the Lake District の話を聞くと、そういうのってすごくいいな～･･って思うのだけど、でもやっぱり日本だとなかなか難しい。　みんながみんな“Welcome オーラ”を放っていれば出来るかもしれないけど。。　日本もそんな風になるといいな～。

Tomo

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月11日 00:23

Hi Team,

Another crazy day! Sorry I don't have time to write very much now because I want to go to bed. We have discussed a lot of interesting ideas this time, but I don't want people to think that I have negative feelings about Japan, so my next topic is going to be "Why I love Japan". Has anyone guessed why the next entry is special? I will tell you tomorrow. Just before we finish this topic, though, I have one more complaint about Japanese society... (sorry!)
When I first came to Japan, I tried to give up my seat on a train to people, but it was really embarrassing. Instead of saying "It's okay thank you" quietly, they made a big fuss and started saying いやいや結構です！in a really loud voice so everyone was looking at me. I'm not surprised no one offers their seat to others now!
Anyway, thanks again for all the input, and see you tomorrow.

  •  David
  • 2007年4月11日 00:29

Hi David,
I guess a special guest join next entry as tomo said, like your mother! Or Tonari san. We know about him because you talked about him many times but he has never come here.
I think that people from another countries are good at making jokes to make people relax and happy like Paul you told us! It’s different from Japanese joke. And I love the humorous people!!!

Hi むらさきand Pink NY
After I read your comments, I changed my mind. I had thought Japanese custom and courtesy don’t have heart. But those things are based on consideration and respecting others as you said. However, people don’t know about the custom and courtesy well like me regard them as just manual. So people sometimes look them as robots. What do you think of my opinion?
Pink NY,
I’ve never talked with homeless. I sometimes think about people very racially(差別して。この英語は間違っていますか？). So I don’t want to connect with homeless. But I read your experience and I feel ashamed of my thinking. I can’t make new people happy with my smile. But he and you did it each other. Great! I heard that the government managed to prevent homeless from going to shelter with excuse. So even if they want to go to shelter, they don’t go because they know they can’t be accepted. It is very strict and hard to live in US like insurance, law… Do you think so? Anyway, we have to try to make a effort to connect with others to make the world more better.

Hi tomo,
I understand your feeling. You really wanted to talk to teacher, Ryan, right? I don’t think “Are you Ryan?” is rude. If you said it to him, he might say to you “Yes…but you are…???”
And you can say “My kid is your student…” like that.
I’m sure AET answer you friendly.
Talk to him next time! Take a chance!!! Your English don’t need to be nervous even if you are the person don’t speak English.
私も、人見知りな方なので、気持ちは良くわかりますが・・・。がんばってください♪一言で、世界が変わることもありますよ。

Hi Ayako,
I also think it’s very interesting to know what David think about Japan and Japanese.
なんで、日本人って、人に親切にすることを躊躇ってしまうのでしょう？私もその中の一人ですけど。知らない人でも、親切にされるとうれしいですよね？私も、親切にすることを心がけなければ。でも、ドアを開けてあげて、当然の様に、何も言わずに通り過ぎて行く人には、「むかっ」としてしまいます。「ありがとう」という言葉を期待する親切は良くないのでしょうか？
むらさきは、いっぱい親切な方に出会ったのですね！周りに流されてしまうのは、皆同じですよね。

  •  m.n
  • 2007年4月11日 00:30

Hi m.n,

Thanks for your message, I'll try it again if I have a chance! Maybe, I think ライアン先生 is the only native speaker I see in my town. I've never seen other native speakers here. のどかで小さな町なので。。(一応 “市” だけど(笑））
You are working with native speakers, right? Are you get used to it? いざとなると勇気が出せなくて、何を話していいのか分からなくなってしまう私です･･。　Can you give me some advice? 今度そういうチャンスがあったらどんな風に話したらいいと思う？　もうライアン先生だってことは分かってるんだけど、いきなり “Ｈｉ!” とか言ってもいいのかな･･。(むこうは私を全く知らないです＆日本は2年目）　それとも相手は先生だから “Ｈｅｌｌｏ.” の方がいいのかな？　やっぱり最初は自己紹介？　日本人として考えると「いつも息子がお世話になっています。」とか、「これからもよろしくお願いします。」とか、そんなことしか思いつかない･･(笑)　しかもこういうフレーズって英語にはないし。　どこまでのフレンドリーなら許されるのか、どんな質問ならしてもいいのかが良く分からないです。　日本人の感覚でいうと、先生に向かって友達口調で話すなんてあり得ないでしょ？　こんなことばっかり考えてるから結局何も言えないのかも・・。

  •  Tomo
  • 2007年4月11日 10:31

Hi,Everyone!　
Nice to meet you, m.n ayako & Pink NY.

前から知ってましたが、ホントここの仲間は素晴らしいね！！
みんなのコメント一つ一つに、ちゃんと自分の思いを述べていきたいけど、それが出来ないのが残念。。。

教員が学生に向けた言葉に、「もう自分探しはせず、自分の内と外の世界をしっかり見つめましょう。」というのがありました。

きっとこれは、大切なのは自分の心の中で"気づくこと"であって、探して見つかるものではないよって言ってるのだと思います。

Davidが気づかせてくれるきっかけを与えてくれて、みんなが日常を振り返って、立ち止まって考えてみては、心の目を少しづつ豊かにしていく。なんて素晴らしい場なんでしょうね！

正直言って、次回の"Why I love Japan".というトピックは、私は考えたくもない内容です。それは、むらさきが儀礼について説明してくれていた「そもそも」というところを、日本人が受け継いでなくて、中身のない肉まんみたいに魅力がなくて、私は好きになれないからです。

だけど、食わず嫌いをしないで、みんなの意見を素直に聞いていけば、次のトピックで私の心の目も少し成長できるのではないかと期待しています。

でかける前に急いで書いてるので、言いたいことがまとまってませんが、ここで失礼。Thank you.

  •  Yuki
  • 2007年4月11日 11:03

This is a little note in Welsh I hope david can translate it for you
Fi yw mam David
Rwyf un byw yn Nghymru .Mae gen i gi -yr enw yw Brandy - ci bach ydyw hi mae hi yn bedwar ar ddeg oed (!4)
mae hi yn braf iawn yma heddiw - ac yn gynnes iawn - 21c
gnaf sgwennu eto yn fuan
Cofion gorau Delyth

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  • 2011年9月 6日 19:44

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  • 2011年9月10日 18:48

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  • 2011年9月13日 03:44

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