デビッド・バーカーの英語と仲直りブログ：スペースアルク

2008年1月15日

Motoko Sone

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for giving me your opinions. Actually, I wasn't planning to pay the taxi driver that much - I thought he would say, 「いいえ、いいえ、そんなに要りません」, and I was quite surprised when he just said thank you. Anyway, I got my wallet back, so I was happy.

Since yesterday, I have really only been thinking about one thing, so I'm going to write about that today. When I first went to Nagoya Women's University for my job interview a few years ago, the first person I met was a woman from the office called Sone san.

She was originally a teaching assistant in the department of English and British and American Studies, but then the university changed her job and moved her into the office. At that time, she was working in the 学生支援室, so her job was basically helping students (and teachers!) who had problems. While I was at NWU, she helped me a lot, and we became friends. Last summer, she came out to my house with some of the other office staff for a barbeque.

Yesterday morning, I got an email from Ueda san, another one of the office staff, and one of Sone san's best friends. I was surprised because I hadn't spoken to her for a while, but when I read the email, I was completely shocked. The message was that Sone san had died in hospital on Sunday at the age of 42. Apparently, she was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago, but she had an operation and thought she was getting better. Last summer, she went for more tests, and the doctors found that the cancer had spread. She didn't tell anyone, and just went on working as normal. In November, she said that she wasn't feeling well, and she was taken into hospital. Only her closest friends and family knew about this, so most people didn't even know she was sick.

Anyway, last night there was an お通夜 in Tenpaku. A huge number of people came, including many students who had graduated a long time ago. Everybody was just so shocked because she was so young and because none of us knew she was sick. (By the way, I had no idea what was going on last night. Can anybody explain all the things that happen when somebody dies in Japan？）

There is really nothing that anyone can say when someone dies so unexpectedly and at such a young age, but I hope her family realized how much she meant to everyone when they saw how many people came last night. She was a wonderful person who had a big impact on the lives of everyone who knew her. She will truly be missed.

I'm sorry, but I can't really think about very much else at the moment, so that is all I can write about today.

Speak to you soon,

David

Comments

Hi David,

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. David, are you all right? Actually, Mr. Jarrell wrote in today's ジャレマガ about that a colleague at his university had died. He said that the colleague had cancer and she was only 42. I think you two are talking about the same woman.
She was only 42.., it's too early! I don't know what to say..

I'll post another comment later,

Speak to you soon,

Tomo

Tomo
2008年1月15日 12:49

Hi David,
I'm sorry to hear about your friend.
I know how you feel.
I lost my friend 2 years ago, and she was only 29.
(She died of lung cancer.)
Her mother and my mother are friend, and her sister and I are friend, so we are very friendly as a family.
They live near my house, so I had known her since she was a child.
Her family didn't tell us about her name of a disease, but I and my mother were getting an inkling of about it.
We often went to a hospital to visit her.
The last time when we visited her, she couldn't so much as speak.
The day when she died, I and my mother went to her house.
She were lying on her bed, she looked beautiful and peaceful on her deathbed.
I couldn't stop cry.
At her 通夜, her father couldn't say his speech as host of the funeral because depth of his grief.
若い人の死は悲しすぎます。

Amica

Amica
2008年1月15日 14:25

Hi David,
I'm sorry to hear that. I can't think of good words to say at like this time.
I always feel that there is nothing sadder than people dying at the young age, and I want to know why people (like Sone san) who are loved by a lot of people and who are serious person die earlier than others.

On the other hand, I really feel that the women who died of diagnosed with breast cancer are increasing recently. My friend's friend died of same cancer at young age. She had been feeling some bad things in her body for a long time, but she didn't (couldn't) go to the hospital, because she had 3 children and very busy to take care of them. It was too late when she was down. She was only 35 years old.
I'm afraid that Sone-san might have been busy on her work, and she didn't (or couldn't) have time to go to the hospital for the test?

Anyway, I think it is very important to think about the person when the person dies. It is the best thing to do that for our soul.

David, now you would do well to think about her a lot, and please don't forget her forever.

ayako

PS:Thanks for all your warm comment! I'm so glad because team greets warmly whenever I come here. (Anne, Maki, Amica, Tomo, Lily, そして今後参加予定（？）のたくさんの新しい方々も宜しくお願いします。）

匿名
2008年1月15日 19:06

David,

I'm truly sorry to hear about your friend. I can't find any nice words to say. I just hope that she feels peaceful now and her family's grief will be healed not after long time. Her demise is too early.

Maki

Maki
2008年1月15日 22:21

David,
I am sorry to hear about your friend. I admire her courage and strength, and I can see how she had a big impact on the lives of many people including yourself. You are honoring her and her memory by thinking about her, talking about her, and telling about her to people like us, who didn’t have a chance to know her.

Amica,
I want to say the same thing to you. Thanks for sharing your friend’s story.

Lily
2008年1月15日 22:57

Hi David,

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I can understand how you feel now; I lost one of my friends with uterine cancer, her daughter was only 7.We shared many things through our children, so I was shocked when she died. David, nothing might console her family, but thinking and admiring her life is what we(you) can do now, I think.
I'll post about お通夜　tomorrow.

Speak to you soon,

Anne

Anne
2008年1月15日 23:48

David, I'm sorry, but I still don't know what to say. If there anything you'd like to talk, please let us know.

About the things that happen when somebody dies in Japan, there are some
rites and rituals(It's depends on the religion and the location.), but general things are blow;
Usually, when someone dies, the next day will be お通夜, and the next day of お通夜 will be 葬儀(そうぎ) and 告別式(こくべつしき).
A お通夜 starts with a sutra(お経), and people who attend the 通夜 make an offering of incense which is called お焼香(おしょうこう). The host of the funeral do it first, then family and relatives of the deceased, and the other people, in that order. When お焼香 is finished, the Buddhist monk leaves. Then the host of the funeral says thank you to people who attend the 通夜, and the 通夜 is over, but it is okay if you leave when you are finished with your お焼香.
The next day of the tsuya is 葬儀 and 告別式. Basically, 葬儀 is a ceremony to pray for the repose of his/her soul, and it is for the family, the near relatives and his/her closest friends. 告別式 is a ceremony for the other people, like his/her friends and people who know him/her(友人・知人). It also starts with a sutra, and all people make an offering of incense in the same order as tsuya. When お焼香 is finished and the Buddhist monk leaves, the host of the funeral says thank you to people who attend the 葬儀 and 告別式, and then, the casket goes to a crematorium. You pray for the repose of his/her soul when you see off the funeral car.

Goodnight,

Tomo

PS Anne, I found your comment when I was about to post this. My explanation may be wrong, so please help me with it!

Tomo
2008年1月16日 00:32

Hi David,
About otsya I'd like to explain a little bit different point of view from that of Tomo.(Thanks,Tomo!)
Tsuya means "sitting all night,　setting　a light and burning incense". Originally at tsuya only the relatives and close friends used to gather to console the deceased, but recently people who can't attend the funeral are accepted. At the ceremony hall, behind the coffin is a frame covered with a lot of flowers( the chrysanthemums are the basic of flowers), and in the center of all this the picture of the deceased. ( This is the typical style at the funeral.)
You may receive a gift with a postcard showing family's thanks for the attendee(参列者）. This condolence money for the funeral( 香典） and gifts for the attendees after the funeral(会葬お礼）and ones a few weeks later(香典返し） might show basic human relationship in Japan(基本的なお付き合い）．
Actually, my mother-in-law passed away three years ago, and honestly at otsuya and the funeral, many things which we had to face and decide(place, style, phpto, flowers....) came at a time, and couldn't afford to grieve. I sat all night, burning incense all night beside her( coffin ) , and I could have a time looking back her life and our lives at that moment. SO, Sone san's family realized now how much she meant to everybody looking back her funeral.

Speak to you soon,

Anne

Anne
2008年1月16日 16:30

少し訂正、
SO, Sone san's family~→So,I think Sone san's family~

*David's word" There is nothing that anyone can say when someone dies so unexpectedly" is really true. My husband was saved his life last February, since then I often think about life and death.

Anne

Anne
2008年1月16日 16:48

Hi Everyone,

Tomo and Anne, thanks for explanations about the ceremony. My brain is so tired to write in English, sorry....日本語でごめんなさい。北海道では、お通夜には親戚だけではなく、友人･知人も参列します。ceremonyの後は、Anneの説明のように近親者のみで一晩中お線香を絶やさないようにします。
以前本州の知人からの香典返しで驚きました。こちらでは、ご挨拶のハガキと小さなお返しです。たとえば｢海苔一袋」「スティック砂糖5本」ｅｔｃ．習慣が違うのですね。

昨年の今日、初めてこのblogへ参加しました。今日でちょうど1年です。途中読むだけになってしまった時期もありましたが、またこうやって参加できていることをとてもうれしく思っています。
Davidとmember皆さんの励ましやお声かけのお陰です。
本当にありがとう！これからもよろしくお願いします。
ひとことお礼が言いたくて。。。違う内容でごめんなさい。。。

Maki

Maki
2008年1月16日 22:46

Hi David and Everyone,

Anne, thanks for your explanation!

Maki, Makiが参加してからもう1年？　早いね～。　I'm also happy to have you with us as one of our blog family!　もちろん、これからもよろしくお願いします＾＾

今日はとても寒かったですね。　朝起きたらうっすらと雪が積もっていました。　太陽が昇ったらすぐに溶けてしまったけど、この冬初めて雪を見ました。　明日もとても寒そうです。　風邪を引かないようにあったかくしてくださいね。

Goodnight,

Tomo

Tomo
2008年1月17日 22:58

Maki,
It's been a year? Happy anniversary! :-) Thank YOU, Maki, for staying with us. It's so nice to have old members around. Let's enjoy chatting here in the coming year.

Take care, everyone!

Lily
2008年1月17日 23:33

Hi Maki,
Belated Happy Anniversary!
Among many blogs, you found out David's blog, and so did I, and we could meet here as one of members. It's so nice for both of us members, isn't it? これからもよろしく。

It's cold these days, so take care everyone!

Anne

Anne
2008年1月18日 09:31

Hi Maki,
Happy Anniversary!
こちらこそ、これからもよろしくお願いします。

It's been snowing on and off in my town.
It is very cold today!
Take care not to catch a cold, everyone.

Amica

Amica
2008年1月18日 10:20

訂正

It's been snowing on and off in my town.
→It has been snowing on and off in my town.
…と訂正しましたが、この書き方にとても迷ったんです。
「雪が降ったりやんだりしている」と書きたかったのですが,
It is snowing と It has been snowing のどちらを使うべきなのでしょうか？
それとも別の書き方になるのでしょうか？

Amica

Amica
2008年1月18日 10:46

Hi Amica,
It's been snowing on and off in my town. の ‘It's’は ‘it is’ではなくて‘it has’が短縮された形です。　なので、It's been snowing on and off in my town. = It has been snowing on and off in my town. です。
私が勘違いしてたらごめんね。　もしかしたらAmicaは誤解してるのかな、と思ったので。。

'It is snowing.' と 'It has been snowing.' の違いは‘ずっと感’です。　その状態がずっと続いていて、現在もそうなら‘It has been～’を使うとその‘ずっと感’が出せます(こんな日本語ないけど)。　例えば・・

① I'm thinking about you. ｢君のことを考えているよ｣
② I've been thinking about you. ｢ずっと君のことを考えていたんだ｣（←もちろん‘今’も）

考えていることには変わらないけど、‘ずっと感’が伝わると嬉しいこともありますね(笑)

I think your English was perfect. I didn't know the expression 'on and off'(降ったりやんだり). I learned a new one, thanks!

Tomo

Tomo
2008年1月18日 11:41

Hi Tomo,
Thanks for explaining!

私はIt'sはIt isのつもりで書いていたんです。
だから完全に間違えてました＾＾；
It'sはIt hasの場合もあるんですね！
全く知りませんでした！
どちらの省略形なのかは、その後に続く単語で判断しないといけないってことですよね。
ますます混乱しそう…。
でも頑張ります。

on and offは辞書の例文にあったので、使ってみました（笑）

Amica

匿名
2008年1月18日 11:53