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2008年5月19日

Japanese family life

Hi Everyone,

Did you have a nice weekend? I had a great biking day yesterday. I got up at 5 A.M. and went for a ride on my Suzuki with my British friend Tony. We went up to Gifu and rode some fantastic roads. I got back to Seto at about 11, had lunch, and then went to the trial practice course in Toyota. I haven't been riding my trials bike much recently, so I was very out of practice, but I had a lot of fun. In the evening, I spent 2 hours sitting on my sofa watching the World Superbikes race, and then I set the video to record the MotoGP race later on. I watched the main race this morning, and I'm going to watch the other races tonight.

I said that I would tell you my 'bucket list' today, and I was thinking about it all weekend, but really, I think I have done most of the things I wanted to do. Anyway, here are some of the things I would still like to do.

1. See the Northern Lights
2. Learn how to fly a helicopter.
3. Live in a big log house.
4. Ride around Suzuka on a 1000 cc superbike on slick tyres.
5. Go the carnival in Rio de Janeiro.
6. Visit Africa.
7. Do a parachute jump.

I think most of those are realistic, but I did so many interesting things when I was young that I won't mind if I don't finish my list before I die. Actually, if I do number 4, it might well turn out to be just before I die!

Last week, a friend sent me an article she had seen somewhere about Japanese family life. It was written by some Christian organization, and the idea was to say 'Here are all the problems Japan faces, and here is how the Bible can solve them.' I think you know my feelings about Christianity, so I won't include the religious stuff, but the figures quoted here are quite scary. I can hardly believe they are true (especially the last point), so I was wondering what you think. Have you seen these numbers before? Do you think they are accurate? If so, what do you think Japan needs to do about these problems?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts.

David

Choosing being single over marriage

1. Average age for marriage is getting older, 29 male 27 female
2. Men (25-34 years old)--34 % “didn’t feel a need” to marry; 44% couldn’t find the appropriate partner and 50% of women gave this same reason.
3. “parasaito”--20% of women between 25-39 benefit financially by living with parents while working
4. Between 18-34 aged unmarried men more than 50% said they have no sexual relationships, friendships or even casual companionship with women. 40% of women said the same!

Marriage relationships

1. Physical contact very infrequent (1/3 of new homes now built with separate bedrooms for couples, higher ratio as get older—94% of 60 years old don’t sleep together.
2. Little communication between couple—70% working force suffer from stress, 25% depressed or on verge of break down! (About 90 percent of people feel family bonds or family unity have weakened; Meanwhile, asked what qualities are important in a father, 60 percent chose "dependability," followed by those who said a father should be the family's breadwinner (56 percent) and those who said "strictness" (54 percent), 73% said they thought there was an increasing trend for there to be a lack of a person playing a central role among family members. —04/08)

Size and make up of the family

1. Average of less than one child per family (1960--42% of household had 5 people, 1995 only 14% and the average was down to 2.82!)
2. 20% of women say Japan is not a good place to raise a child—Japanese are the most pessimistic about the future compared with respondents in other wealthy countries
3. “We can’t financially afford to have a child.”

Youth of today

1. Brought up as an only child and pampered—dependency between mother and her only son can become magnified.
2. Jr. High are like a worn out dish rag--25% are depressed!
3. By the time they finish Jr. High over 50% have experience serious bullying in school

Divorce rate increasing

1. Divorce rate went from 1.28/1000 in 1990 to 2.15/1000 in 2004
2. 35% of new couples today are divorced in less than a year!

Comments

Nice to meet you.（meetでいいんですか？会ってないケド）　My name is saya.　I'm a third-year student in high school.（そう、受験生です・・・）I should study now, but I don't feel like doing.（Usually,I do.）

I want to do before I die・・・ Mmm・・・

1. Make friends with foreigner!!
2.親孝行すること。

But②,I said "I will care of you when I will be an adult." to my mother,she said "No thank you."

・・・Why?言い方が悪かったのかなぁ。

  •  saya
  • 2008年5月19日 20:51

Nice to meet you.（meetでいいんですか？会ってないケド）　My name is saya.　I'm a third-year student in high school.（そう、受験生です・・・）I should study now, but I don't feel like doing.（Usually,I do.）

I want to do before I die・・・ Mmm・・・

1. Make friends with foreigner!!
2.親孝行すること。

But②,I said "I will care of you when I will be an adult." to my mother,she said "No thank you."

・・・Why?言い方が悪かったのかなぁ。

  •  saya
  • 2008年5月19日 20:52

Hi David and everyone,

David, thanks for sharing for your bucket lists, and I understoodd you really loveed riding on bikes!
This week's topic is so challenging , and there are a lot of contents to talk about.
First, I have seen these numbers, and I'm not sure if they are accurate or not, but they seem to be right.
* Choosing being single over marriage
Compared with a few decades ago, marriage has come to be considered as a private matter rather than
a 'have to' matter or a family matter. So young people are relatively free from the pressure of marriage.
One of the reasons which men can't find appropriate partners would be due to recent poor economy; men who can't earn enough salary are difficult to find their spouses , I think. And there is an opposite reason; men who have a high level of education and enough salary would probably think they can find a spouse anytime, so they don't need to rush to marry.
* Marriage relationships(and divorce)
Do you know '2007 problem' regarding divorce? It was the matter of last year. Since last April, new pension system was introduced by law, and it enabled divorced wives to gain half of their ex-husbands' pension. So a lot of (especially) middle-aged women were said to have been waiting for 'The day'. Indeed, husbands seem not to understand how wives have not been satisfied with their marriage life!

Hi saya,
Welcome to the blog!
Your mother were sure to be happy with your words!

Bye for now,

Anne

  •  Anne
  • 2008年5月19日 23:39

少し訂正
understoodd→understood
loveed→loved

*I'll post about topics tomorrow again, it's really interesting topic,isn't it?

Anne

  •  Anne
  • 2008年5月19日 23:46

Hi again,
I have a question to members.
saya said' Nice to meet you' and asked is it the right expression?
I used the same expression on this blog before, but actually we don't meet directly, so is it proper or not to use here?
またまた訂正(sorry＾＾;)
Your mother were→Your mother was

Anne

  •  Anne
  • 2008年5月20日 00:04

Hi David,

‘Japanese family life’, it's a difficult topic. The figures are really scary. I've never seen those numbers before, and I don't want to believe that, but some of them might be true. I'm not sure if those numbers are accurate, but I think something like that is happening in Japan. The numbers of men and women who don't want to get married is increasing, the numbers of couples who get divorced easily is also increasing. In some cases, they need to get divorce for their happiness, but children can't choose their parents, and they need a father and a mother. These days, people get married and divorce TOO easily, they tend to get divorce without making any effort. Being in love is easy, but finding the right person or true love is not that easy, and there is NOT the 100% right person.

This topic is difficult to write in English. I'll make another comment later.

Hi Saya,
Welcome to the blog and nice to have you with us! If you want to do ‘親孝行’, just be happy. 親孝行 is not about taking care of your parents. If you are happy, that makes your parents happy. I think that's the best way of 親孝行＾＾
Like Anne said, I also think your mother was very happy to hear your nice words;-)

Tomo

PS Saya and Anne, the 'Nice to meet you' question is interesting. I have used that expression, too. Like Anne said, we don't meet face-to-face, but we 'meet' on the net, in a way.. Hmm, I'm not sure if it is a right expression or not.

  •  Tomo
  • 2008年5月20日 00:44

Hi David and Everyone,

・Choosing being single over marriage

As Anne said, the time has changed, and people's ideas of marriage has also changed. Getting married is not something you have to do, so I think choosing being single over marriage is one of ways to live.

・Marriage relationships

About 1., my husband and I don't sleep together because I like to sleep in my bed, but he doesn't like it. Some of my friends says that they don't want to have a physical contact with their husband, even though some of them sleep in the same bed. Sleep together or not, it doesn't make any difference to me. We don't sleep together, but sometimes we see each other as a lover. If the life style we have now changes and we sleep in the same bedroom, I'd like to sleep in separate bed because I can sleep better. Sometimes sleep together and other times sleep in separate bed, it sounds better for me. Maybe my idea is strange..

About 2., an increasing trend for there to be a lack of a person playing a central role among family members... Hmm, I think it can be true, but I don't really like the old style we used to have in Japan.

・Size and make up of the family

About 1., I can hardly believe it is true. People around me like my friends and neighbors, almost all have 2 or 3 children.

About 2., I think Japan is a good place to raise a child. I don't want to raise my children in a big city, though.

・Youth of today

I don't want to believe the numbers! But I think No 1. can be true.
About 3., Fortunately, none of my children have experience serious bullying in school, but I'm always worried about this. My sister and I have talked about it before to our children. we said, ‘If you suffer from serious bullying in school and don't want to go to school, just tell us. There are a lot of different ways to live. We can find another way, and we are always on your side.’

・Divorce rate increasing

As I said last night, people get married and divorce too easily, they tend to get divorce without making any effort. I do not understand them. Marriage is not that difficult but not that easy. It has ups and downs, and the same is true for almost everything. If couples get divorced in less than a year, they might as well stay single. Marriage is not just being a boyfriend and a girlfriend.

・What do you think Japan needs to do about these problems?

It's difficult.. The problems are about people's feelings. It's their lives. There are a lot of different reasons. I can't think of anything at the moment.

See you soon,

Tomo

  •  Tomo
  • 2008年5月20日 13:46

There might be the tendency shown in the above article among Japanese people, but figures are re～ally tricky. Statistics, surveys or opinion polls need to disclose the target population, the survey method and actual questions. You can see a newspaper poll always has detailed information. Without it, the figures are meaningless. Because you could get the figures you want by the delicately-controlled target or questions. To put it strongly, the goals of the survey determine the target population and questions. Anyway, arousing anxiety among people and letting fear creep into people’s mind are usual practices of “pseudo”-religious organizations.

  •  Jazmin
  • 2008年5月20日 15:08

Hi everyone,

Hmm, that's interesting figures you brought up. As Anne said, I'm not sure how accurate it is but feels like it is!!
Casually thinking, I suppose people are dreaming too much about marriage!! Life's not always like a movie, you know? Nobody can be exactly like your ideal boy/girl friend!! Marriage is more about commitment, isn't it??

Average age for marriage is getting older but I don't really see a problem there because the Life expectancy is getting longer as well!

I think 'Parasite' isn't too bad as long as the parents are happy and the children is leading a decent life.

'no sexual relationships', hmm, I know it's your personal matter and I'm two minded about it.

'Physical contact very infrequent'
I understand how a couple having a relationship like that feels but not for us thanx!!

Personally, I'm not sure how a couple works without communication but I do hear people say they don't have much conversation between their partner or things like that. I feel it's little bit sad but again, it's a matter of a couple so who knows how a couple is getting along!?
Too much stress isn't certainly a good thing. Especially when it affect their relationships. As a father, I know how they feel over their roll yet again, there're so many different ideas out of Japan. A good thing about living overseas or talking with people from different countries is that, you'll meet different ways of thinking, idea, etc..

Oops, my time's running out. I have to go now and get off work.

I'll post another comment tomorrow.
See you!

Hi again about this week's topic,
It might be sometimes true that we are apt to be manipulated by the figures which are cut off from the detailed information, and it might be the right way to judge after having the enough information. But how we judge or consider the situation even from limited information is also acceptable ,and for that, we are required to have 'the eye', I think.
'There are as many opinions as there are people'. When we face on statistic(poll), we might have different ideas, so it's good to know other member's thoughts here on this blog. As Jazmin said, religious organizations seem to know well those weak human nature.

About marriage life, physical contact would be one of the important aspects, but lack of physical contacts shown here doesn't necessarily mean the first step to divorce or bad thing. The point is how we feel about that as a couple. There are a lot of ways to build up and cherish our marriage life, and it depends on each couple.
About 'Parasite, I have the same idea as Michelle.

See you soon,

Anne

  •  Anne
  • 2008年5月20日 22:59

Hi,Saya
Welcome to the blog!
I've just found this blog 4 days ago.
I think people on the blog are very friendly.

I agree with Anne and Tomo.
I believe your parents feel happy when you are happy.

Hi, Everyone,
I have used the expression of 'Nice to meet you' both in English and in Japanese on the net.
So, I don't care of using the expression on the net.

The topic,'Japanese family life' is very interesting.
I will post my comment about it later.

Bye for now,

Hiyoko

  •  Hiyoko
  • 2008年5月20日 23:26

Hi David and Everyone,

*Choosing being single over marriage
I'm in late thirties, and I'm a single, but I don't think that I don't feel need to marry. I think it is difficult for my age to find a partner because as we get older, we become careful for love. About "parasito", I might be called "parasito" because I still live with my parents. As you know, I'm a piano teacher, and I have my lesson room and grand piano in my house. If I live alone by myself, I will have to have a house which have soundproof lesson room. My income is not enough to have it, so I live with my parents. I think I'm not "parasite" because I pay food expenses every month to my parents, but the people who read the article your friend had seen might call me "parasite".

*Youth of today
Actually, when I was an elementary schoolchild, I faced bullying. When I was 9, I moved from Tokyo because of my father's job. I could only speak standard Japanese, so I couldn't understand the dialect. Most of classmates seemed to think I was cockiness. I was left out of them. I will never forget the bullying I suffered. Fortunately, when I was 12, I moved from there because of my father's job again, and next, I could enjoy my school life. There are lots of young people who suffer bullying in Japan. Why can't we stop them?

It's time too late, so I have to go to bed.

See you soon,

Amica

  •  Amica
  • 2008年5月21日 01:05

Hi there all,

I think I'm very easy over this topic maybe because I don't live in Japan and I don't live with Japanese... It's almost surprises me in a way.

Anyway,

'Size and make up of the family'

Personally, I don't think I'll raise our children in Japan. I've never thought through education and school systems but I have a sort of gut feeling that school in Australia is better for our kids if we had any. Again of course it could be depend on schools though.
Also life style is so different here and Japan. I definitely prefer OZ one so there's no reason for us to rais kids in Japan. On top of that, the government helps single mothers a lot and couples with a child or children as well.

Generally speaking, it seems there are some reasons for Japanese to feel it's difficult to have a family in Japan. Many people can't afford a family, there's no enough room in their apartment or house for a baby room or too busy at work, and so on.

Oh, I gotta go now again.
See you later!

Hi everyone,
About this week's topic.
*Marriage relationship, size and make up of the family'

It is true many workers not only men but also women are suffering stress, and I know those stories. Recently, issues 'managers name only'(名ばかり管理職）、'overtime with no payment(サービス残業）'are often reported in the newspaper or on TV. A lot of workers have to work long hours, and sometimes they have not been paid for extra work. In such severe circumstances, fathers would be difficult to have enough time to communicate with their family. For families both working and having children(especially they are small),everyday life would be tough and stressful. I hope government support these families (including single mothers and single fathers), and that will solve problems even a little, and can afford to have a child.
*Ideas to support(these ones have already been on the table, though....)
・ preparing a day nursery more
・　admitting flextime working
・securing maternal (and paternal!) leave
・encouraging women to be back to office after raising children if they want

By the way, the word 'stress' reminded me the word 'Me time'-time to take care of themselves.
I know this concept in Japanese, it's been a long time since this word was used, but I got to know it in English for the first time recently. Anyway, it's quite strange that this idea(word) is only for women, so what about men?

*Youth of today

My son experienced bullying when he was in elementary school(it was not serious one ,though.). Luckily, thanks to the effort of a teacher, the problem was solved. We talked about the Internet and site for young people here sometime ago , bullying using these site is scary and malicious, isn't it?

The winner of 'American Idol 7' was decided at last!^^)

Bye for now,

Anne

.

  •  Anne
  • 2008年5月22日 17:39

Dear all,

Actually, my husband and I are not very sure if we want to start a family or not. No now anyway. I understand that older generation think having children is such a usual thing unless there are reasons for not to. So I assume people in my parents generation could automatically expect us to start a family soon after we got married. But you know, we are in 21 century and things has changed or is changing. I know a lot of people concern population or all sorts of things but when it comes to me myself and my husband, we are sure we’ll have great life no matter which we decide, having a kid/ kids or not.

‘Youth of today’
No offence but to be honest, I don’t really like Schools or could be school system in Japan. Seeing it from out of Japan, it sometimes looks weird and students are like robots in a way.

‘Divorce rate increasing’

Divorce isn’t always a bad thing, is it? Certainly better than stay in the marriage while you are really unhappy and having fight all the time! This figure might as well tell us that people has been becoming more open-minded about divorce.

I wonder what idea did people who were talking about this at first come up with to solve the ‘problem’.

I just found out the result of American Idol! I was suprised because I thought David Archuleta would win, but I liked David Cook too, so it's okay. Still very surprising, though!

  •  David
  • 2008年5月22日 17:55

Hi Anne,
‘Me Time’, I didn't know that word! ‘The time only for me’, I need it for my mental health;-)

Hi David,
I watched American Idol, too! Is David Cook going to be a professional singer? What about David Archuleta?

  •  Tomo
  • 2008年5月23日 00:09

All the top 3 from American Idol will release CDs, so all of them will become professional singers.

  •  David
  • 2008年5月23日 07:50

Good morning David,

All the top 3 from American Idol will become professional singers? That's a good news because I was a bit worried about David Archuleta. Thanks!

  •  Tomo
  • 2008年5月23日 09:13

Good morning!
An Amrican Idol,hmm..,honestly, I have known the name of program and severe judges, but I've never watched the program on You Tube. So, David, thanks to (because of! ha ha ha) you, I enjoyed the program. Actually I was hooked into this program more than I had thought. But listening to judge's severe comments always made me feel sad. But I remembered new words-for example,'atrocious'(very bad) --That was utterly atrocious. I might be old to be hooked into this kind of program, but any way I was...(年甲斐もなく。。と言いたかったんですが。）
Thank for the chance!

Have a nice day.

Anne

  •  Anne
  • 2008年5月23日 09:48

訂正。。

That's a good news → That's good news

news に a はいらなかった。。

  •  Tomo
  • 2008年5月23日 10:51

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  •  Azur
  • 2009年3月30日 06:12

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