Hi David,

I have a question about your feedback on Mimi’s.
>Then he said me "hello" and I answered "hello".
Didn’t it need to put “to” between “said” and “me.” I learnt that “say” + “to” + 人 and “tell” + 人, so I thought you would correct to “he said to me” but you didn’t. Can I ask you why?

Hi everyone,

Have a nice weekend.

amo

•  amo
• 2011年1月14日 21:50

Hi David,

I'm afraid I would also like to tell you something related to these trials: you first asked for our helps and said you would correct anything we write. You might want to read all of the comments again and answer to them before going to the next trial. Next trial also sounds interesting but I don't feel like to go ahead right now. Sorry, but please don't get me wrong.

Tsuneko

•  tsuneko
• 2011年1月15日 01:05

Hi David,

Sorry for my misunderstanding with Jazmín's story, but you seem to have missed Fumie's story and mine, so before we move on to the next topic, would you give us your feedback, please? Let me post the stories here again.(I noticed my mistakes, so I changed a little bit.)

Fumie's story:

I want to share my story. Mine is also a true story (mind-boggling for me) which I saw at my son's graduation ceremony. David said stories are supposed to be for students so I write it as my pretending to be one of the graduates.卒業生の一人の立場で書きます。story中の名前は適当につけてます。

The graduation ceremony of our junior high school was memorable moment for me. Some students gave messages to their parents or teachers when they received their certificates. Like, "Thank you for raising me until now", "Thank you for your support and help". After several student's turns over, unbelievable thing happened. One boy said a girl "I love you" on the stage in front of teachers, parents and guests! Graduation ceremony is usually a formal, serene occasion. My mother said "Such a thing never happened when I was a student". After him some boys gave messages to their girlfriends too. And Keita, my boyfriend, gave me one too,　"Yui, we are going to a different high school but let's keep seeing each other". I was too shy to gave back a message at the ceremony but I did it after the ceremony. And after almost one year, we are still going out.
151 words

My story:

When I was in high school, I was working at the front desk of a golf driving range near my house. One night, I saw 3 or 4 men coming toward the door, so I was going to say hello with a smile, but I ducked under the counter before they saw me instead. One of my co-workers was surprised and said, "What's wrong??" "My homeroom teacher! Students at my school are not allowed to have a part time job!", I explained in a low voice. My co-workers understood the situation at once and dealt with them, so everything went OK. The next day, I went to school as usual, and I was looking out the window in the corridor before the class started. Then, someone came and stood next to me and said, "Welcome to Plus One!" It made me jump, and I was lost for words. It was the name of the golf range. I stared at the man standing next to me, who was my homeroom teacher!

Also, Mimi is wandering if all her sentences were OK or not, and Amo has a question about your feedback on it, so let me post her story again.

Mimi's story:

This is a true story about something that happened to me in a park last autumn. When I ran in a park, a man also ran from the other side. It was only us to run in the park. I usually run ten laps of the park. When I ran for the second lap, I passed him. Then he said me "hello" and I answered " hello". I thought he looked friendly. When for the third lap, he said "it's hot, isn't it?" and I replied "yes". Next time I talked to him" otukaresama desu" he answered "you,too". It was a bit strange situation. I upset because I didn't know what I should talk about next time. In the end, I ran away from the park after ranning for the forth laps. Since then, I've never ran at every circular place. I run with a tread mill this winter.

Look forward to your feedback.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Tomo

•  Tomo
• 2011年1月15日 08:26

Hi everyone,

Something weird is happening with my comments. I definitely wrote feedback on Mimi's story, but the comment is not there. I will check this time that the comment appears. Thanks, Tomo, for posting the ones I missed.

Fumie

The graduation ceremony of our junior high school was memorable moment for me. Some students gave messages to their parents or teachers when they received their certificates. (This period should be a comma.) Like, "Thank you for raising me until now", "Thank you for your support and help". After several student's turns over, unbelievable thing happened. One boy said a girl "I love you" on the stage in front of teachers, parents and guests! Graduation ceremony is usually a formal, serene occasion . My mother said "Such a thing never happened when I was a student". After him some boys gave messages to their girlfriends too. And Keita, my boyfriend, gave me one too,　"Yui, we are going to a different high school but let's keep seeing each other". I was too shy to gave back a message at the ceremony but I did it after the ceremony. And after almost one year, we are still going out.

Tomo: (There is only one correction.)

When I was in high school, I was working at the front desk of a golf driving range near my house. One night, I saw 3 or 4 men coming toward the door, so I was going to say hello with a smile, but I ducked under the counter before they saw me instead. One of my co-workers was surprised and said, "What's wrong??" "My homeroom teacher! Students at my school are not allowed to have a part time job!", I explained in a low voice. My co-workers understood the situation at once and dealt with them, so everything went OK. The next day, I went to school as usual, and I was looking out the window in the corridor before the class started. Then, someone came and stood next to me and said, "Welcome to Plus One!" It made me jump, and I was lost for words. It was the name of the golf range. I stared at the man standing next to me, who was my homeroom teacher!

Mimi (This is the second time I have written this!)

This is a true story about something that happened to me in a park last autumn. When I ran in a park, a man also ran from the other side. It was only us to run in the park. I usually run ten laps of the park. When I ran for the second lap, I passed him. (I'm not sure what you mean here. If you say "I passed him," it implies that you were running in the same direction, but you were running faster. I think what you mean is Then he said me "hello" and I answered " hello". I thought he looked friendly. When for the third lap , he said "it's hot, isn't it?" and I replied "yes". Next time I talked to him" otukaresama desu" he answered "you,too". It was a bit strange situation . I upset because I didn't know what I should talk about next time. In the end, I ran away from the park after ranning for the forth laps. Since then, I've never ran at every circular place. I run with a tread mill this winter.

Let me know if you have any questions.

•  David
• 2011年1月15日 11:12

I just realized what I did wrong last night. I copied the comments into Microsoft Word because it is easier to edit them like that, but after I had finished correcting them, I forgot to post them back to the blog!

I also just realized that "He said me 'Hello'" in Mimi's story should be "He said 'Hello.'"

Please let me know if you think I missed anything else.

•  David
• 2011年1月15日 19:05

I was just checking the other entries to make sure I hadn't missed anything, and I realized that I made another mistake. When I gave the feedback on some of the thank you letters, I pasted back parts of the originals instead of the corrected versions. Oh dear, I think I am getting old. Here is the real feedback.

Dear my little sis ,

Thank you for your hospitality during my stay in the US. I had a lot of fun with you and your family. I particularly enjoyed doing “living there things” like picking up your child from school, helping out at your child’s class, and having tea and chatting with your neighbours. I don’t think I would have had those experiences if I had had an ordinary trip like a tourist. (Your version is not wrong, but "have a trip" sounds a bit unnatural.) It would be nice if I could visit you once in a while. You have a natural gift to entertain people, so you always make me smile. Of course this time was no exception and you amused me with your stories. You know I had a tough situation this first half of the year , so visiting you was a good for change. Thanks again and please give my best regard to your wonderful husband and lovely children.
With love.

Hi Amica,

Sorry - I missed out a lot of things from your feedback too. Here it is again.

Dear teacher, (I would write a name here. We do not call people "teacher" in English.)

I have taken vocal lessons from you for 22 years. I know that you thought my voice was not good when you first heard my singing . I was not excellent student , but you kept to teach me with a lot of patience. When I was in my mid-twenties, I told you that I wanted to take an entrance examination of another music college. Did you remember it ? You said "You graduated a music college, so you don't need to do it again. Keep taking lessons under me. If you do it, your singing will be good certainly. Trust and follow me." " Now, I continue singing, and I'm able to have concerts. I couldn't have done them without you . Thank you so much, and I'm proud of that I'm a pupil of you.

Tsuneko, I must have got very mixed up when I was doing this because I only corrected some things. It's because I was working on two different files at the same time. Sorry about that. Here is the full feedback.

Dear Mr. H.K.,

Do you remember I missed the final exam of an important subject and the dead line for submitting the report was over ? That meant I wouldn’t be able to graduate. I didn’t see any future of mine. When I told you about that, you suggested me to bring the report to the teacher and convince him I would need those credits. I said doing such a thing would be embarrassing and miserable and I’d rather drop out of school. You got mad at me : “You don’t think of parents’ feelings at all!” You pulled me to the teachers’ home and kicked me on my body, and I rang the chime. The teacher’s wife kindly let me in, and he first listened to me seriously and then became warm and kind. You were scary, and I really appreciate you helping me. I will never ever forget it.

Please let me know if I have missed anything else!

•  David
• 2011年1月15日 19:26

Okay, I am not getting old. What I just wrote is not what appeared on the blog when I pressed "Post." I was using angle brackets to show how I would correct the sentences, but nothing I put in there showed up. Let me do a test. Here are two angle brackets > Do they show up?

•  David
• 2011年1月15日 19:31

That is weird. The two angle brackets I just wrote have shown up, but all the feedback I wrote in Amo's, Amica's, and Tsuneko's comments didn't. What happens if I put words in between the angle brackets.

•  David
• 2011年1月15日 19:33

Hi David,

I am afraid but it might be easier for you to pick the wrong sentences and correct them, like you always do. Also, it’s easier for us to see what was wrong or not. Because I read Tomo’s correction again and again but I could not find any difference between yours and Tomo’s, but you said you change one, right? And Mimi’s correction I don’t get this part, could you explain again?

>I passed him. (I'm not sure what you mean here. If you say "I passed him," it implies that you were running in the same direction, but you were running faster. I think what you mean is Then he said me "hello" and I answered " hello".

What do you mean “I think what you mean is Then he said me "hello" and I answered " hello".”?

By the way, thank you for answering my question, so it should be “he said “hello” instead of “he said me “hello.”

How about Fumie’s story:
>One boy said a girl "I love you" on the stage in front of teachers, parents and guests!
Is it ok to say “One boy said a girl”?

Thanks for rewriting my thank you letter, and I still have a question.
What would you say instead of “have a trip?”
About Amica’s and tsuneko’s ones, I read them carefully but again I could not find any difference between your previous ones and revised versions. Besides, ((Really??)) and (There is a bit too much of a jump here. Do you mean "I went to the teacher's house and rang the chime."?) in tsuneko’s.

I am a bit of confused, did I miss something?

amo

•  amo
• 2011年1月15日 21:34

Hi David,

Thank you for giving me the feedback again, but I don't understand what I can express"すれ違う" in English. お互いに反対周りに走っていて、男性と数回すれ違ったのですが、その時にはどのように表現すれば良いのですか？"I passed him" では"私は彼を追い越した"という意味になってしまうのでしょうか？Could you tell me how to say it in English?
"I also just realized that "He said me 'Hello'" in Mimi's story should be "He said 'Hello.'" ←In this situation, should I skip "to me"？ As amo says, when I use "to me" このように言えますか？"He said to me"hello"

Hi,Tomo
Thank you for posting my story. I appreciate it. I think you are very careful and kind. I can't afford to check all of team's comments closely.そんな私にとってTomoの存在はとても心強いです。

Hi, amo
I've forgotton that "say+"to"+人. Thanks to you, I rememberd it.

Mimi

•  Mimi
• 2011年1月15日 23:50

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•  traduceri romana engleza
• 2011年10月31日 03:39