too long

•  konaka
• 2011年1月28日 20:06

Hi David and everyone,

David, thanks for your feedback! It helps a lot as usual.

>everyday/every day---I remember I underlined this word in your red book when I opened it!
This difference is same as the one "something and some thing",right?

>--a daughter in Ichinomiya →a daughter from Ichinomiya
I don't think I understood it fully. I meant to say a daughter (living) in Ichinomiya and using 'in' was proper. Is this same as "my friend FROM work"?

I'll read your feedback carefully later.

As for your new business idea, it's very useful and helpful for everyone and I'm interested in it.

Here are my ideas:

1. Price,2,000yen is reasonable.

2.Other than words limit, are you adding some comments. If you are, how much are you doing?
どの程度のコメントがいただけるのか、そのあたりが、このサービスはよく見かけるので、ポイントだと思います。

3.word limit---For people taking step test grade 1, they have English composition and words length are around 200 words. Over 200 word limit for one piece would be happy for them. (I haven't taken this level yet and am not planning,though...)

4."teaching through correction"→Very useful!!

By the way,　I tried to write about my story, and I'd appreciate it if you checked my writings.(　I need a courage to say this because we got your feedback today!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*My experience of unexpectedly meeting someone famous

Let me tell you about the time I bumped into someone famous.
One day in April, when I was shopping for groceries at a supermarket near my house, I saw a tall, good-looking man. I realized that it was Joshua Kennedy,an Australian soccer player,who had been playing for the Australian squad and joined Nagoya Grampus Eight a few days ago. He was shopping alone pushing a shopping cart. I wanted to talk to him but was hesitant because I didn't want to bother him. I stood in line behind him at the checkout and while waiting, I finally found a courage to talk to him. After a few words, he asked me," Did you see last night's game?" I said," Of course,I did! Your goal was amazing!" Actually, it was his goal that nailed down that game. He looked happy with my answer. He was friendlier than I had expected and talked a lot. One thing for sure is I've been fan of his since then.(169 words)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have a great weekend,everyone!

Anne

•  Anne
• 2011年1月28日 21:03

Hi Anne,

Thanks for your feedback. If people were paying me, I would give them very detailed feedback and correct every mistake. I would also give various suggestions for rewording sentences so that they could choose the one they liked the most.

I'm not sure about the word limit, but more advanced learners would probably want to write more, so maybe 500 words as a maximum? The minimum would be up to the writer. Of course, I would not complain about having to check short paragraphs!

Anyway, here is some feedback on your paragraph:

Let me tell you about the time I bumped into someone famous.
(Fine. No problems)

One day in April, when I was shopping for groceries at a supermarket near my house, I saw a tall, good-looking man.

(Fine.)

I realized that it was Joshua Kennedy,an Australian soccer player,who had been playing for the Australian squad and joined Nagoya Grampus Eight a few days ago.

(You don't need a comma after "player" because that whole part is one noun phrase: an Australian soccer player who had been playing for the Australian national team, and who had joined NG8 a few days previously.
You have to use "previously" instead of "ago" because "ago" means "before now," and this story is in the past.)

He was shopping alone pushing a shopping cart.
(Fine, but some people might say you need a comma after "alone.")

I wanted to talk to him but was hesitant because I didn't want to bother him.
("Hesitant" is quite an unusual word. Maybe:
I wanted to talk to him, but I hesitated because I didn't want to bother him.)

I stood in line behind him at the checkout and while waiting, I finally found a courage to talk to him.
(There is a set collocation for "courage." It's "puck up the courage to do sth."
I stood in line behind him at the checkout, and while we were waiting, I finally plucked up the courage to talk to him.)

After a few words, he asked me," Did you see last night's game?"
("After a few words" is not wrong, but it doesn't sound very English. I would just say, "He asked me...."

I said," Of course,I did! Your goal was amazing!"
(Fine.)

Actually, it was his goal that nailed down that game.
("Nailed down" is not the right idiom here. I would just say "It was his goal that decided the game" or "It was his goal that won the game." Actually, you can also say (and this is very common in football) "He scored the decider" or "He scored the winning goal.")

He looked happy with my answer.
(I would just say "He looked happy.")

He was friendlier than I had expected and talked a lot.
(He was friendlier than I had expected, and he was very talkative.)

One thing for sure is I've been fan of his since then.
(One thing is for sure - I've been a fan of his since then.)

I hope that is helpful for you.

Anyway, here is some feedback on your paragraph.

•  David
• 2011年1月28日 22:23

Hi David,

Thanks again for your quick feedback!

> who had joined NG8 a few days previously.
→I thought this part was"past tense(joined). I'm afraid I'm not accustomed to the use of 'previously.'

> found a courage to talk to him.→I saw someone used 'pluck up' but I haven't come across this phrase so often ,so I didn't used it. I understand depending on a dictionary too much is dangerous, but I　checked the dictionary and saw the phrase"find the courage to do(～する勇気を出す）” and example sentences.　　I'm wondering if these example sentences are unnatural or not.

>("Nailed down" is not the right idiom here→I often heard this word(nail) at the program "So you think you can dance"(アメリカンダンスアイドル）,one of my favorite programs, so I just wanted to use it!
"He scored the decider" or "He scored the winning goal.")→Oh,I see. It's new to me. Thank you.

It was very helpful and I noticed a kind of ”言葉の使い方のくせ." 少し格好をつけようと思ったところが、失敗しました。

By the way,"around 500 words" would be nice!!

Anne

•  Anne
• 2011年1月28日 23:59

Hi David and everyone,

Thanks a lot in many ways. I liked your business idea. Let me tell you what I thought about “teaching through correction”.

1) If there isn’t any 入会金 or 登録料, that will be nice and easy for customers to start. You could charge it, though.

2) 回数券 is also a good idea, and the fee is reasonable. Maybe, first trial correction could be free to attract customers.

3) I have a question. After receiving your feedbacks or comments, and then, if customers rewrite and want you to check it again, how would you charge? Half of a piece of 回数券, or free of charge as after-sales service, or one piece of 回数券?　

Hope it can be of any help.

I'm going on a 3-day-trip tomorrow morning. See you next week.

•  tsuneko
• 2011年1月29日 00:17

Hi David,

Glad to hear that your nose has completely healed. And thank you for your feedback. I wouldn't have noticed my mistake if you hadn't pointed it out. "It sounds to me 'like'..." I got it:)

As for your business idea, I also think it's a good way for people who want or need to improve their English, and the price is reasonable. I realize what I can't express in English or what I'm not sure about when I'm writing, so writing something in English and then getting it checked by you is very helpful for learners. I think you can also suggest this idea when you do a seminar or something.

Have a great weekend,

Tomo

PS Anne, thanks for sharing your story!

•  Tomo
• 2011年1月29日 00:18

Hi Tsuneko,

It's funny you should mention that, because I was just thinking the same thing. If I give feedback, people will probably want to ask me questions about it. If it takes me half an hour to do the feedback, and then another half an hour to answer the questions, it would not be worth doing for 2,000 yen. What do you think would be better?

a) to charge more but say that I will also answer questions about the feedback.
b) to set a limit of maybe one or two questions about the feedback.
c) to say that I would not answer questions about the feedback.
d) to say that I would answer questions, but you would have to use another ticket if there were more than one or two.

Any other ideas?

Like I said, I haven't decided whether to do this yet or not. I think I would have to try it and see how long it takes me to do the feedback and how many people were interested in it. Thinking about it now, 2,000 yen may be too cheap. Has anyone used a correction service before? I'll have a look on the web tomorrow and see how much they charge, but I know that it is usually really expensive.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I'll need to think about it a bit more.

•  David
• 2011年1月29日 00:45

I was just reading an article in the Japan Times about the problems that foreign journalists are having in Japan because there is no news that other countries would be interested in. Here is an excerpt:

"It's quiet, like a little country like Switzerland," said Baumgartner, who has been reporting from Japan since 1982. Japan is "blocked and paralyzed by the politicians and bureaucrats who don't have the political will and courage to restructure the country to give a chance to young people. There is no new energy. . . . There are days that you can't sell any story to your editors back home."

That's a bit depressing, isn't it!

•  David
• 2011年1月29日 13:21

Hi , David & everyone.

I felt that there's a typo in your writing above.
It's trivial , but I wrote it down FYI.

The sentence in the 25th line "but it would also a good way for people ..." is maybe "but it would also be a good way for people..."

↑英語あってますかね？

Bye for now.

•  gk2bs
• 2011年1月29日 15:54

Hi gk2bs

Thanks for pointing that out. I'll correct it.

I just went for a ride on my bike. I was sitting outside a convenience store when I noticed a huge monkey walking along the telephone lines above my head!

•  David
• 2011年1月29日 15:56

Hi,David ＆ everyone!

I joined in this blog recently and I don't understand because I'm not good at English, but did you injure your nose?
In any case, it was good that your nose recover!

I spend more time to read a long sentence because English is dificult for me. So I cannot write the impression of your long topic.
I have a question about one English sentence that is not connected with your topic , but don't you mind?

There is next sentence in one book.
"He cracked them open with a doorknob."
I think that this meaning is 「彼はドアノブでそれを開けるために割った。」in Japanes.
But if it means that, I think the sentence is "He cracked them to open with a doorknob."

わたしの思っている意味が違っているのでしょうか？あっているなら、何故 to が入らないのでしょうか？

だれか教えてくれませんか？（←Will anybody teach me? でいいのでしょうか？）

•  yuko
• 2011年1月30日 01:27

Hi David,
I'm glad that we are having many commnts recently and this blog is becoming lively!
Thank you for the feedback. It's so useful as always.

I'm also agree with your business idea. I had been feeling bad that you spend so much time to correct our mistakes but you don't get any rewards. I think it's fair to charge us.　いつも悪いなぁーと感じていましたし、忙しい中、たくさんの時間を割いていただいているので当然ではないでしょうか？　I have a suggestion. How about setting some price options depending on words length. For example;
less than 100 words : _ yen (It may be difficult to write long comment for beginners still they want their writings be corrected )
less than 300 words : _ yen
less than 500 words : _ yen
more than 500 words : negotiate with David. (Some people might want to check their graduation thesis, business documents or something by native speaker.)
Just to make sure, you wrote 'the timing would be up to the student' means you give us feedback only when we ask you to check our writing? お願いした時だけフィードバックをしてもらうということですよね？私たちがどのコメントをチェックしてもらうか決めるということですね。

You saw a monkey! I did too. We went to なばなの里 in Mie prefecture last night. (The illumination is magnificent!! The place called ocean and Mt. Fuji and walking under lighted tunnel is breathtaking) On the way there, we stopped at a service area on a highway. There was a bunch of monkeys which were playing in the snow on a bank.

Yes, that's a bit depressing that there is no new energy on politics in Japan.

Bye for now.
Fumie

•  匿名
• 2011年1月30日 07:22

Hi Fumie,

Thanks for your comment. Actually, I wasn't really thinking about blog members when I asked you about my new business idea, although of course, you could do it if you wanted to. I was thinking more about business people who have to write emails and reports in English, and English teachers. I was really just interested what all of you thought about the idea. I would still continue to give feedback on people's comments on this blog.

Hi Yuko,

I think your first translation is correct, although I am not a translator. Your second sentence with "to" is incorrect. The phrase is "crack sth open."

•  David
• 2011年1月30日 09:50

Hi David,
OK, You were not thinking about blog members when you first talked about your business idea. It's more for business people. As for me, it's ok if it would be that we pay you when you give us feedback. 他のメンバーの方の意見、それとDavidが考えてよいと思う方法で決めてもらえれば私はokです。feedbackが無料にしろ、有料になっても私は今までどうり参加させてもらいたいので。＾＾

Hi Yuko,
Nice to meet you!
英語の質問にコメントできるほど英語力はないのですが、それにそのsentence の前後がわからないのでよくわかりませんが、　'He cracked them open with a doorknob' の意味は、彼はドアノブで（ドアノブを使って）、それを（くるみなど？）を開けた（かち割った)　とならないでしょうか？　I'm not sure though.

Fumie

•  匿名
• 2011年1月30日 11:46

Hi everyone,

I have started studying Japanese again, and I'm a bit confused about 〜向き and 〜向け. In my kanji book, it says:

〜向き =for ..., suitable for...

but then it also says:

子供向け = for children

Is there any difference between these two?

•  David
• 2011年1月30日 12:09

Hi Fumie,

I have realized from doing this blog that some people find it very useful to have their English corrected. (Actually, that is how I improved my Japanese.) On this blog, I can only give feedback on a few points, but I thought that it might be a good business idea to give people the opportunity to have a whole piece of writing corrected. It would also be a good way for me to teach and make money while still working at home.

As I said, I was not thinking particularly about readers of the blog, and I would keep giving some feedback here just as before. This blog will definitely not become 有料.

Actually, though, your comment has given me another idea. I could set up another blog that you have to pay to be a member of. I would correct every comment on the blog as long as it was under a certain word limit. That way, everyone could see everyone else's feedback as well as their own. I would have to be careful, though, because some people might just try to use it as a cheap correction service for companies. Anyway, it's something to think about.

•  David
• 2011年1月30日 12:15

Hi David,

I just tried to think about your question:
>〜向き =for ..., suitable for...
----その方面に適している事
　　　＊初心者向きの辞書（上級者には適さない）＝a dictionary suitable for(or　'for') a beginner
　　　＊子供向きの本＝a book suitable for children

＞～向け＝for ---送り先や対象
＊子供向けの本（子供を対象にした本／大人は対象にしていない）＝a book for children(X a book suitable for children)

’対象’、と’適する’の意識の違いを見極めるのは難しいですがこの感覚だと思います。Hope it helps.

By the way, you saw the monkey? A wild boar, a monkey and then what's next? Hmm...
My parents' house is in the middle of nowhere and my parents often see monkeys!

Hi Yuko,
I agree with Fumie's idea.
>だれか教えてくれませんか？
別の言い方ーCould(can/would／will) you give me some advice?
こんな言い方もできるかな、と思いました。

Hi everyone,
Did someone watch last night's Asian Cup?
バンザイJapan!

Anne

•  Anne
• 2011年1月30日 14:12

Hi David,

I agree with Anne's idea.
If you say, "子供向き", I means the book is suitable for children(子供に向いている・ 適している・合っている). If you say "子供向けの本", it means the book is written for children(子供に向けて書かれた本).
There is a slight difference between the two, but I think both can be translated as "for ..."

•  Tomo
• 2011年1月30日 14:21

【訂正】
I means the book...　→　 it means the book...

•  Tomo
• 2011年1月30日 14:25

Hi again David,

I forgot to write this.
As for Yuko's question "He cracked them open with a doorknob", I also agree with Fumie's idea, but I think Yuko thinks of the "open" as a verb and that's why she doesn't understand why you don't need "to" before "open". What is the part of speech of the "open" in that sentence? I thought it was used as an adjective like "leave the door open" or "break the safe open", but I'm not sure about it.

•  Tomo
• 2011年1月30日 15:28

Hi David,

I think your idea is good as other members said. Also I thought the same thing as tsuneko mentioned.

Hi everyone,

How’s your weekend? Hope you are having a nice weekend.

amo

•  amo
• 2011年1月30日 17:15

Hi David,
I agree with your business idea.
I have been hoping that I'd like someone to correct my English sentence. That's a good chance for all of English learner of this blog.
I'm expecting to start the plan near future. Please make a good system.^^

Hi Anne,
I'm the one who watched and excited Asian Cup last night☆ Today I feel happy.スポーツの中でも、世界におけるサッカーの影響力って凄いと思います。

Mimi

•  Mimi
• 2011年1月30日 18:31

Hi,David.
It so nice thing that your operatiin seems parfectly success. Now you are spending a comfortable your daily life aren't you.
I guess that new idea of your business will be nice.
For me, The cheeper the better though.
About an article in the Japan times, いっぱい思うところがある記事ですが、意見を英文化できません。むむむ。
今日は今年いちばんの冷え込みでした。近所の温泉で体をあたためてきました。Lingさん、ほかみなさんも大分の温泉はいいですよう！ぜひ！九州新幹線全線開通のおりには！
Hi, yuko and Mini.
ぼちぼち、ついていきますのでよろしくお願いします。
心拍数は相変わらず高めですが、ここで、たくさんのEnglish Learnerとの出会いは勇気づけられます。

Bye for now. 　Toko-mom

•  匿名
• 2011年1月30日 20:25

Hi David and everyone,

As for the point Tsuneko mentioned(No. 3), I like your suggestion b) or d). If you give feedback, some people will want to ask you questions about it, but some won't need to do it, so I think b) or d) is a good and fair solution. If you set a limit of the number of questions, the person will ask you ones he/she really wants to know. Maybe it's a good idea for the students to write both in English and Japanese to avoid misunderstandings(at least the parts they are not sure about) or ask you some questions when they first get their writing checked, like "← I'm not sure about this part" or "← I'm not sure which preposition to use". I think it will save time and lessons will be more effective.

As for the idea of you doing "teaching through correction" on another blog, I think it might put shy people off joining in because everyone could see everyone else's writing. Also, there might be a confidentiality problem with people who have to write business emails or reports.

Tomo

•  Tomo
• 2011年1月30日 21:31

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your comments. I think I understand the difference between 向き and 向け now, but it's difficult. Actually, problems like this are going to be the topic of the next entry, so I'll talk about it more tomorrow.

Hi Tomo,

The trouble with confidentiality is that it would still be a problem even if the person was just sending writing to me, because most companies don't allow any outsiders to see documents like that. I think the person would have to remove all names of people and companies (and any talk of money) from the document before they sent it anyway, so it could just as well go on a blog.

I was thinking about this a bit more this afternoon, and I came up with an idea. How about having a blog that you had to be a member to join? There would be two kinds of membership - "read only," and "comment." If you were a "read only" member, you could see everyone else's comments and my feedback, and you could write comments yourself, but they wouldn't get corrected. If you were a "comment" member, I would correct all the comments you wrote. I think this would have a couple of advantages over the other system:

1) People could benefit from other learners' feedback, not just their own.
2) Even if you were too busy to write something, you could still study by looking at other people's feedback.

As I said, this is still only an idea at the moment. I don't know if I will do it or not, but I would be very interested to hear what you all think.

See you tomorrow.

•  David
• 2011年1月30日 21:46

Hi, David.
It so nice thing that your operation seems success. I guess the idea of your new business is very nice. For me, the fee is the cheeper the better. About an article in Japan Times that you found:興味がある記事でしたが、意見を英文にできませんでした。日本語で書くと、これがまた長くなりそうで、むむむ。

It's 2度 out side here today, but with the windcill, it feels below frezing. I'm no good in the cold. I went to Onsen near by my house. Hi,Ling and all, there are lot of Onsen in my town. Please come and try to Onsen if you get a chance.

Hi, Yuko and Mini.
まだ当分、心拍数が高めだけど、がんばります、よろしくね。ここでたくさんのEnglish Learnerに会えてとてもうれしいです。

By for now　　　Toko-mom

•  匿名
• 2011年1月30日 22:24

Hi everyone,

It has been snowing heavily here since last night. Now we have snow about 50 centimeters deep. How much snow will we have until tomorrow morning? I don't want to think about it! Anyway, I have to remove the snow tomorrow morning....

全くtopicに関係ない話でごめんなさい(--;)

Amica

•  Amica
• 2011年1月30日 22:30

あれれ、postingに失敗したと思って、書き直したら！だぶった。パソコンさわりだして３年目！どーも、きっと、たびたびへまをします。　Toko-mom ^^!

•  Toko-mom
• 2011年1月30日 22:32

Hi Toko-mom,

You used an interesting expression there. It should be "the cheaper the fee, the better."

•  David
• 2011年1月30日 22:41

Hi David and everyone,

色々なアイディアや意見が出ていて、話がよく分からないから日本語の要約が欲しい、というリクエストをもらったので、ここまでの話をまとめてみますね。

まず、Davidがエントリーで書いているのは、新しいビジネスアイディア、家でできる「英語の先生」のお仕事の話です。　生徒は1万円で5回分の回数券を買って、自分が書いた文章をいつでも好きな時に丸々全部添削してもらえる（登録費・入会金なし。回数券の使用期限なし）というもので、ただ添削するだけではなく、詳しい説明や他の色々な表現の仕方なども提案してくれるそうです。

これについてどう思うか、みんなに意見を聞いたら、文章の長さはどれくらい？とか、もしもらったfeedbackについて質問があったら？などという質問が出て、長さは最大500語位でどうか、質問については、

a) もう少し料金を上げて、feedbackについての質問にも答える
b) 質問の数を１～２つに限定する
c) 質問は受け付けない
d) １～２つの質問は１回の回数券でOK。　それ以上の場合はもう１枚回数券が必要。

というのがDavidが思いついた案で、これについてもどう思うか、他に案があるかどうか聞いています。

他のメンバーから、文章の長さによって料金を決めてはどうか、という案も出てますね。

それから、このブログとは別に、会員制の"teaching through correction"のブログを作って、「読むだけの会員（コメントはできるけど、添削はしてもらえない）」と、「添削指導をしてもらえる会員」を作るのはどうか、というのが昨日Davidが思いついた新しい案で、このアイディアのメリットは、

1) 自分のものだけはなく、他の人が添削してもらったものからも学べる
2) 忙しくて書く時間がない人も、feedbackを見て勉強できる

どのアイディアもまだ決定ではなく考え中で、皆さんがどう思うか意見を聞きたいそうです。　このブログが有料になるとか、ブログのメンバーを対象に提案している訳ではなく（もちろんやりたい人はできますが）、主に仕事で英語のメールやレポートを書かなければいけない人、英語の先生などを対象に考えているみたいです。

皆さんの意見が聞きたいそうなので、英語で書くのが難しければ、日本語で書いてみてはどうでしょうか＾＾

•  Tomo
• 2011年1月31日 13:31

Hi David,
I understand that you keeping this blog as it is, thanks!
Let me tell you what I thoght about "teaching through correction".
"comment"のメンバーになれば、全コメントを添削してくれるということですが、それを書いた人はすべて添削してもらうことにどう思うでしょうか？teaching through correctionはblogということなので、blogといえば、私はこのblogのような意見を交わしたり、いろんなことをつぶやいたりと楽しくて、堅苦しくないイメージがあるので、すべてを添削するというのはどうかなぁと思いました。（以前、David自身もこのblogでfeedbackをして欲しくない人はそう書いてと言っていたので）。添削サービスとしてのbusinessのideaはいいと思います。つまりblogという形にしない方がいいのかなぁと感じました。自分の書いた英文をネイティブに直してもらいたいと思う人はたくさんいると思うので、それはいいことだと思います。
これはあくまで私が感じたことなので、一つの参考意見として読んでもらえたらと思います。

Hi TOKO-mom,
Nice to meet you. I'm Fumie. You live in Oita! You can treat yourself to various hot springs! I envy you.

Hi Amica,
Did you shovel snow this morning? We didn't have any snow this morning in Osaka.

Fumie

•  Fumie
• 2011年1月31日 14:19