＞ more than 80% of both male and female respondents said they would like to get married at some stage “if they can find someone suitable.”

I often hear respondents of the kind.

•  Sana
• 2011年11月28日 19:08

Hi David and everyone,

Good morning! How are you doing?
Yes, I'm familiar with this website, and sometimes visit this site. As David mentioned, it's also fun to read comments. I'm wondering if all the comments are left by non-native Japanese speakers or not.

I read this news with interest a couple of days ago in the newspaper because my two sons are not married yet.

Anyway, I had a look at some of the comments, and it's fun to read!
Here is one comment that I can agree with. It sounds boring　and realistic, but I think it makes the point.

【 Marriage is work, marriage is about compromise. These days people are taught that their own needs come first and come now. The Japanese men are overgrown babies too often than not. Having someone at your side who you can truly count on is more important than appearances. My first spouse died of cancer and through the grace of god found another. Yes I think the young men and women expect too much in marriage. This is what drives cheating and divorce. Remember your spouse is not a "prince" or "princess" and work tougher for a successful marriage. Marriage is a "work in progress" and is never a done thing. Again the reason so many are alone is they are not willing to compromise.】

I'm going out now, so I'd like to read the rest of the comments and write something later.

See you soon,

Anne

•  匿名
• 2011年11月29日 09:28

How do you do! I'm not good at English.
But, I'll do my best (○＾＾○)

I read that article.

>” I don’t want to lose my independence,” and “I don’t have enough money to get married.”

I think.... It is but excuse that they don't married.

Really, they are afraid of commiunication.

•  AKKO
• 2011年11月29日 12:17

I agree with most of the opinion posted on the website. A variety of factor would lead to this percentage. We live in busy life. We work long hours and have many activities that we can choose from for free time. No wonder some people think "I don’t want to lose my independence". Moreover, social pressure to get married soon become lower than before. Some people even set up a group for singles and start to think how they make their life worthwhile without having partner and kids. I think finding partner requires some "effort", hardly find love one if just waiting. However, as I told, there is nothing to push them to get a parter, and they even enjoy their life without partner.
By the way, I'd like to know what results could be obtained if the exactly same survey is conducted in other countries. I think some countries may be in similar situation to some extent.

•  I love Nutella
• 2011年11月30日 18:57

Hi AKKO and I love Nutella,

Thanks for your comments. Nice to have you with us.

•  davidbarker
• 2011年11月30日 20:31

Hi David and everyone,

How's your day? As I said, I worked on Sunday, so I am already looking forward to the weekend.

As this week's topic, I had a look at the article and also scrolled through the comments. As you mentioned, the article itself was not so long, but some comments were really long. it was fun to read people thoughts. Anyway, I don't buy the survey result because I don't think that it's a big deal. I think that it's a serious problem if 61% of single men have never had a girl friend and 49% of single women have never had a boy friend. I was a bit of surprised to know that more than 80% of both male and female respondents said they would like to get married. I thought that most of them enjoyed their single lifes, like you, David:)

Hi Sana, AKKO and I love Nutella,

Welcome to the blog, and looking forward to your next comments;)

Good night and sweet dreams,
amo

•  amo
• 2011年11月30日 22:11

Sorry, I missed Sana! Nice to have you with us.

•  davidbarker
• 2011年11月30日 23:09

Hi David and everyone.

I read the article and read some comments. I agree with some of them and disagree with some of them. But I'm anxious for a comment. It said, all high school age children and young need between 8 1/2 and 9 1/2 hours of sleep which may be the cause behind retarded sexual development. If it is true. It is big probrem. Because many of high school students and young poaple can't sleep such a long time that I think. Anyway I felt relieved to read the article. According to it more than 80% of both male and female resondents said they would like to get married at some stage. I hope they could get married as many as they can.

Hi Sana Akko and I love Nutella, nice to have you with us.

katherine.

•  Katherine
• 2011年11月30日 23:48

Hi David and everyone,

I have never heard of the site.
It is interesting to know what foreigners feel about Japanese phenomena, behavior etc.,
And the article is intriguing. The number of comments is already over 200. If the number of the statistic is accurate, it’s frightening. I can’t believe so many men and women of marriageable age don’t have boyfriends/girlfriends. No wonder the birth rate is declining. What is the reason? I am guessing that they are into virtual world or celebrities like Korean actors, not interested in real people or maybe they are seeking for Mr. perfect or Ms. Perfect( they expect more than Mr. Right)?. I am also wondering what the rate of other countries on a same survey? Only Japan has such an awful outcome?

Hi Akko, Sana and I love Nutella,
Nice to have you with us.
Oh, Nutella is a spread. I have never had it. Is it so good?

Fumie

•  Fumie
• 2011年12月 1日 06:06

Hi, everyone,

I guess it boils down to the lack of money.

As you may know especially in Japan, there is a sort of silent agreement that men are supposed to pay for everything when they go out. In this troubled economic situation, it is becoming increasingly difficult for men to do so. Of course, couples can share whatever the cost, but I assume that men feel a bit of disgrace for not being able to pay for everything, which make them all the more conscious of their financial situation. Vicious cycle...

Also adding to this is the culture of shame (haji) which is deeply ingrained in Japan. I think Japanese people in general care so much about their partners' social status, money they make, their future career perspective and so on. There is a strong awareness that they don't want to be socially judged poorly for choosing a wrong partner.

I have an impression that Japanese people become so calculative about these "factors" and have stopped allowing themselves to go for love or simply express their feelings toward their partners.

To prove my point, look at the thriving match-making industry and 婚活 (finding a partner) activities in Japan.

I guess now is the time to follow your heart and intuition in finding your love.

•  匿名
• 2011年12月 1日 10:12

I'm Katherine ,
I made some mistake spelling again. they were "people problem respondents " that all.

•  Katherine
• 2011年12月 1日 10:27

Hi David and everyone,

I read the article and the comments on the website. It seems like lots of people are interested in this topic.(Fumie, are there over 200 comments?? My computer says there are 116 comments at the moment. Maybe something is wrong with my computer, or is it because I'm not on Facebook?)

These days, more and more people choose to stay single. As you know, getting married has plus points and minus points, so before I read the article, I just thought the minus points are huge for those people. I thought they don't want to change their lifestyle, and they love their freedom they have now, but it seems that there are more reasons(or causes) to this problem. The article mentioned that the main three reasons why they are not married are: "I don't know how to start a relationship with a member of the opposite sex", "I don't want to lose my independence". and "I don't have enough money to get married." I understand the last two, but I'm a bit worried about the first one if they have never had a romantic relationship and if technology like cell phones and SNS are responsible for this.

If people don't want to get married, I think it's okay for them not to do it. It's their life. There are lots of other ways to be happy and enjoy their life. If people are not ready to start a family, then they shouldn't do it. These days, people get married and divorced too easily, and there are also a lot of child abuse cases, so I think these people should stay singe.

I disagree with some of the comments on the article, but I think most of them have a point. I'm not very happy with how foreign people feel about Japanese people, but it was very interesting to read their thoughts.

Hi Anne and Fumie,
Thanks for your comments. I'm enjoying myself;-)

Hi Sana, AKKO and I love Nutella,
Nice to have you with us. Look forward to reading your comments:)

Tomo

•  Tomo
• 2011年12月 1日 13:11

Hi David and everyone,

This kind of survey is conducted every 5 years in Japan, and men are up 9.2 percentage points from 2005. I'm not sure if this result is accurate or not, and yet it would be a help to know how social circumstances have been changing.

As other members said, I wonder whether or not there are same kinds of surveys in other countries. If such a survey exists, I also wonder if it is a private one or a government funded.

Among the respondents, some of them wanted to get married at some stage, but no wonder that the recent economic situation discourages men to jump into a new life; a man can't afford to support his family on a small salary.

When I had lunch with my friend the day before yesterday, she said "My daughter joined a tennis circle and has been hanging around with friends, including men; playing tennis, having parties and having fun. She is not going to find her future husband there because she does not want to give up her present cozy life style." My friend was complaining about it.
I guess there's no problem with not having a girlfriend or a boyfriend if they have "friends."

I do not want to say that "when I was young...", but it might be true that young people have not been encouraged to get married compared with 20 or something years ago.

Hi Sana,AKKO and I love Nutella,

Nice to have you with us!
By the way, I had no idea about "Nutella", so I googled it. Yeah, I love it,too!

Hi Fumie and Tomo,
I guess the number Fumie mentioned is the one people shared the article on Facebook page.

Bye for now,

Anne

•  Anne
• 2011年12月 1日 20:22

it's me again.

"discourages men to jump into " should be "discourages men from jumping into."

Anne

•  Anne
• 2011年12月 1日 20:31

Ahh, I see. Thanks Anne:)

•  Tomo
• 2011年12月 1日 21:26

My sister-in-law has been doing 婚活 activity. I was so suprised when I heard about how much she needs for 婚活. If you register on a match-making agency, registration fee would be over 100,000 yen, plus a few more hundreds thousand yen if you have personal counceling or join a match making party. If you have a non-professional go-between, you have to give some money or send gifts to a go-between for appreciation every time after they arrage the meeting for you (that means even though you are not satisfied with a prospective partner they introduce to you). I guess men need more money for 婚活 than ladies do, because men would pay for everything when a couple goes out. If cost for finding a partner could be reduced, more people might try to find their partner.

I'm so happy I know there are nutella lovers here! I love it like I even eat directly from a jar..., my husband says it's disgusting so I should stop it...

•  I Love Nutella
• 2011年12月 2日 00:40

Hi Anne and Tomo,

That's right. The number I mentioned was Face book one's. I am not careful enough. Sorry.

Hi I love Nutella,

I found your story about 婚活of your sister-in-law was surprising! I didn't know that 婚活cost so much.
It seems finding a partner is as hard as finding a job. I wonder why young people can't find a partner, although there are many prospective partner out there. In case of 就活, there aren't enough job opening.

Fumie

•  Fumie
• 2011年12月 2日 05:39

Thank you, everyone!

What a lot of comments and a variety of opinion!

I stopped to think again.

In Japan, it is thought to get married is popular thing.

But, acutually, We can choose married or unmarried
by ourselves.
Because I want to be proud of myself... if Ican't get married in the future (笑)

AKKO

•  匿名
• 2011年12月 2日 15:43